Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Sometimes I Wish I Wasn't Filipino

Don't get me wrong. I am not ashamed of being Filipino and I do not deny the fact that I was born and raised in the Philippines. It's just that if I wasn't a Filipino my life right now would be way easier.

For starters, if I was not a Filipino, I would not have to go through the painful uprooting of my happy and content life in the Philippines and re-establish a new life here in Canada. Although the Canadian culture is great I hate having to lose my status as a student because I'm having an extremely difficult time getting into the nursing program here in Edmonton. If I was born as a Canadian, I wouldn't have to go through the painful hiatus from school.

If I was not Filipino, I wouldn't be a victim of Filipino mentality where I am rebuked for being who I am. It's not my fault that I act and speak flamboyantly. I was raised to be assertive and self-confident. I cannot help it if I want to pronounce words properly because I am an educated Atenean. Like leave me alone will you? Is it my fault if I like to dress well and have nice gadgets?

But then again, I have to ask myself whether the root of my problem is because of me being Filipino or me migrating to a foreign land. Or maybe the main cause of my problems is my pride. I don't want people to think that I am just a contract worker (not that there's nothing wrong with being a foreign worker). Maybe if I didn't have so much pride and insecurities I may have the chance of living a happy and content life.

But again, I do not want to settle for mediocrity. I will not accept the fact that I didn't get the chance to finish college because I had to move here in Canada. I still have so many goals that I want to accomplish.