Wednesday, November 6, 2013

A Visit By My Daddy

It was a night shift during my preceptorship when my Daddy visited me in my dreams. I was on my break, sleeping peacefully, obviously in lala land when I started dreaming about my dad. There he was, driving us somewhere in a Mercedez GLK with missing front tires. Despite the odd combination of a luxury SUV and the missing tires, it was life as usual. It was a good dream as it felt like he was just there, just like any other normal day.

I don't know if dreams do have meaning, but any dream that has my dad in it and my family as a whole is welcomed. It was devastating how he died and we were left unprepared, dazed, and in shock. When he passed away, it was just like a terrible nightmare because it just felt so unreal. But unlike my wonderful dream of my dad driving my family and I in that Benz, there was no waking up from hearing the doctor say that they did their best and that he has passed away.

I sometimes blame myself for his death for being incompetent at being a nurse as I failed to recognize the signs of an anaphylactic reaction when it was just right in front of my eyes. But how could I expect to know that things would end that way when my dad was never allergic to anything?

It was a tragic night and a mind blowing reminder that life altering events could happen anytime.

If I must identify the silver lining to this story, I would have to say that this event in my life has made me more bolder and less hesitant in making choices in my life. I could die at any moment so I choose to do things that will make me happy. They may not be the best choices in the long term, but these are the choices that I have made so that I won't lay on my death bed saying, "I should have done that...".


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