Monday, February 27, 2006
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Heartaches and Headaches
This week has been the worst week ever, but things could get more ugly. I just feel so emotionally, physically, spiritually, and intellectually drained. I just want to sleep and forget that everything is real. I want to be free to do the things that I want to do. But this is just so difficult and impossible to achieve. I don’t want to move… I don’t want to think… I don’t want to feel… I want to die…. Hopelessness is slowly overcoming me. But I am the Vincent! I can do anything that I wish. I won’t let anyone else control my life! I have to fight! I have to win. I won’t be a loser! I will fight!
Ok, I can do this. As long as I can breathe and kick butt I will persevere and give everything! I can do this! I will and I can! But… It still hurts… It hurts badly… Why doesn’t everything go the way I plan things to happen? Am I just destined to be so bored and dull? I don’t want this anymore. But I won’t give up! I won’t cry over spilled milk (I’m using a lot of metaphors already and my sentence structure is a wreck, but who cares?!)! I tried my best. I let go of everything! I just want to be happy. I don’t care anymore. It’s my turn to be selfish.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Right now I can easily say who I am in terms of status and role. I am 17 years old, an AHSE-1 student enrolled at XU, and the eldest of the two sons that my parents have. I board at an apartment with family friends and had lived this independent and self-reliant ever since 1st year high school at XUHS. This is the reason why at a very young age I was already exposed tom the harsh realities that the world is unkind and not everyone is as caring like the ones I hear in stories.
I have many dreams and goals that I want to accomplish. I want to be a doctor someday with BS Nursing as my pre-med. I am an achiever and I have been getting high grades but these days I seem to be over-worked and stressed out that it is already affecting my performance. But I am going to change this somehow. I can be an intellectual snob I have to admit but this doesn’t mean that I don’t make friends with my peers. In fact my peers see me as the shy, silent type with the good heart. I am an introvert and I tend to hide my feelings (except to people I have grown accustomed to and who I feel that I can trust).
I am a loyal and loving person. If I have a friend, I will forever be loyal and caring for that friend. I am the type of friend who will always try to be there always. I am really a nice person but somehow this personality is masked with a serious and self-kept person because by experience I have learned that it is the nice ones who tend to get hurt easily.
I have never been religious. I don’t frequently attend Sunday masses but somehow I am finding God once again and He has been keeping me strong.
For my hobbies, I really am not the athletic type so I tend to stay indoors most of the time. I love watching TV (especially the detective-medical stories, anime, and music channels), playing computer games (RPG Gameboy games), surfing the net, chatting, blogging, and sleeping (ZzZzZ…). I also love reading fantasy books but I don’t seem to have the time, especially during school days, to read. I also love watching movies especially the suspense-thriller type. I also love singing and listening to music. I also love lazing around doing nothing to think about things… reflecting and mostly relaxing.
Now the boring part… I am a student activist and I want to contribute to the good of all. I am a pro-government person and I will do everything to uphold justice and the rights of the people.
I don’t really have vices… but I have learned to enjoy drinking once in a while. I did try smoking but I never got addicted to it since I don’t have the time to buy hehehe… I am a coffee addict though and I simply can’t live without it!!!
What else can I say? I can be funny and daring too… Actually I am a very KSP person and I love bugging people who I am comfortable with. You can always see me with a smile but I am not plastic, I am grumpy and hot-headed when someone makes my day bad and if I don’t like someone I don’t pretend that I like that person.
What more can I say? Ah! I can have dramatic mood swings! One moment I’m depressed the other moment I’m very happy! This is the reason why I sometimes don’t get to finish my blogging because I only blog when I’m depressed. Oh yes! I hate history and memorizing things that I feel are irrelevant to me… On the other hand I love Biology and I love Nursing!!!
I used to be pessimistic but I am now optimistic and I am using the motto of the Dead Poet’s Society: Carpe Diem! Seize the Day! Every second of the day counts so the outcome of the day depends on us. We hold our destiny and we are the ones who choose to be happy or not.
And yes I can be schizophrenic at times and just talk balderdash… hehehe!
What more can I say? Ah! I love emoting that’s why I’m good at acting (well at least that is what my friends say hehehe).
Loving someone is quite hard. You keep thinking of that person and dream that you can talk to that person and be able to freely express your emotions and just show whom you really are. True love is loving until it hurts and you simply don’t care if it hurts. Loving does not mean ownership. Sometimes the right person comes at the wrong time and sometimes the wrong person comes at the right time. Love is a game where logic is useless. One cannot understand love, one can only feel it.
I am still young and still have a lot to learn. But until the right time comes I will have to explore… Be in love, be hurt, and be in love again…
IN THE MIND OF SERIAL KILLERS
In Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements in English IV
February 14, 2005
In each and every human being hides an animal. This animal has jagged fangs and huge sharp claws, ready to pounce on any unfortunate soul. Yet this animal fortunately had been asleep for so long now and it will surely cause havoc and fear if ever it awakens.
This animal is the instinct that has been programmed in every human being since the beginning, the instinct to kill. Killing has been an essential tool for self-preservation and survival as it follows the law of the jungle that only the fittest and strongest will survive, kill or be killed. One must learn to kill to feed one’s self and to be able to defend one’s self from the what ever threat there is to one’s existence. Being weak is not an option; one must be vicious to survive.
But as mankind and civilization evolved and developed, man was ultimately separated from the class of animals and a new social order had been formed. Man had gained knowledge and soon learned that to kill another human being is immoral and unethical, a sin not only to God but also to the society. Every human being’s right to life has been protected and if ever anyone neglects this right, the accused must be penalized and justice should be implemented. Thus the term murder was fashioned.
This is why it is so disturbing to discover people whose urge to kill is uncontrollable and even finds pleasure in torturing and murdering people. These people are the feared new class of criminals. They are human beings who believe they take control when they torture and brutally butcher innocent victims just to satisfy their unearthly desires.
These people are the serial killers who feel no remorse and empathy for human beings. They are the ultimate killing machine; they are inconspicuous and blend in the crowd. They are undetectable and are very unpredictable always ready to strike again any time.
Who are these killers? What makes them do all of these killing? What is in the mind of a serial killer?
The Serial Killer
History of Serial Killing
The authors of CarpeNoctem
It wasn’t until the post-World War II period that serial murder became rampant. During the 1970’s, the period of the Berk and Bundy, Kemper and Gacy, Bianchi and Buono (the “Hillside Stranglers”), law enforcement officials had to define the phenomenon as a major category of crime. By the 1980’s serial killing had been a plague and epidemic as criminologists characterize the problem.
Comparison between Serial Murder and Plain Murder
As Macalester College
On the other hand, plain murder is defined as the unlawful killing of one human being by another, especially with malice aforethought (The Grolier International Dictionary, 1988). Macalester College adds that a “normal” murder would be due to two basic motivations, a reaction and for gain. Plain murder would simply be an outcome of an event, a quarrel, rage, reaction to insult, etc. Some murders also happen for self-gain (money, power, revenge, and protection).
There are cases of murder that seem like a serial murder but are really just plain murder. Wikepedia
Definition of a Serial Killer
A serial killer is defined by Encarta
Profile of a Serial Killer
As Scott, Shirley Lynn
More importantly, the website
In their childhood, future serial killers maybe distinguished by three characteristics, called the terrible triad, namely bed-wetting, fire-starting, and animal torture. But there is no guarantee that if these conditions are present a child will become a serial killer, they are just early warnings to be aware of.
Contradictory to the claim above, FBI agents R. Ressler, A. Burgers, and J. Douglas, were able to compile a chart of childhood behavior traits among 36 serial killers. The listed behaviors are quite disturbing like self-mutilation, convulsions, cruelty to children, and assault to adults. Although the terrible triad is present the top three indicators are daydreaming, compulsive masturbation, and isolation.
Types of Serial Killers
The first type is the visionary motive type. Serial killers of this type are considered as insane and psychotic. Serial killers claim that they hear voices in their head telling them to kill. Some even have visions and other hallucinations.
The second type is the missionary-oriented motive type. These serial killers justify their killing by saying that they kill because they will make the world a better place. They are on a mission to exterminate a certain group who to them is immoral and unacceptable like prostitutes and homosexuals.
The third type is the thrill-oriented motive type or the hedonistic type. The serial killers who belong to this group are killers who kill because they derive pleasure from it. They enjoy killing and as their killing continues, they become better at killing to improve the enjoyment they get from it.
The fourth type is the lust killer. The killer kills for sexual gratification. They get sexually aroused in torturing their victims.
The last type is the power/control type. This type is the most common among all serial killers. The killers of this type may have been abused as children and it made them feel powerless and inadequate. That is why their main objective for killing is to gain and exert power over their victims so that they may in turn be the oppressor and not the oppressed.
Causes of Serial Killer Behavior
As Ressler, et.al. states in their book, Sexual Homicide: Patterns and Motives, Fantasy is an elaborate thought with great preoccupation, anchored in emotion and having origins in daydreams. Fantasies are usually experienced as thoughts, although the individual maybe conscious of images, feelings, and actual internal dialogue.
Again, Macalester College
In the same fashion, Wikepedia
Aggression is the end product of the processes of the brain. Aggression can be altered, strengthened, or weakened by environmental factors. It has as its center a complex a complex interaction of anatomic, chemical, and physiological determinants. Disruptions of controlling physiological mechanisms can lead to pathologic states of aggression. These disruptions can be caused by: neuroanatomical factors and neurochemical factors.
The first area to be discussed is the limbic system. The only parts of the limbic system related to aggression are the amygdala (amygdaloid complex) and the hypothalamus.
The primary function of the amygdala is emotion. A study of amygdala lesioning on 60 individuals with epilepsy or behavioral disorders was conducted. The results shows a great improvement to 29 patients (calm, obedient, social adaptation possible), moderate improvement to 22 patients (calmer), slight improvement to 7 patients (reduced excitation), and no improvement at all for 2 patients. This showed the vital role of the amygdala to aggression.
The next part of the limbic system is the hypothalamus. The hypothalamus links the endocrine system and the nervous systems in the brain stem. The hypothalamus also receives information from the amygdala. The hypothalamus lies below the thalamus and above the pituitary gland. The hypothalamus is involved in controlling thirst, appetite, and body temperature (The Human Body 1992). Most important of all, it is involved in aggression. Electrical stimulation or lesioning of the medial hypothalamus will turn animals into savage beasts as observed by Glusman (Glusman 1986). Lesions in humans have similar effects. As studied by Bear (Bear 1988), the patients who underwent the electrical stimulation attacked the attendants or anyone present at that time. But they later showed remorse and were able to control themselves.
This only showed that damage to the limbic system could trigger aggressive outbursts.
The second area of the brain to be discussed is the prefrontal cortex. The prefrontal cortex is located at the very front of the brain. It receives information from multiple areas: the extra personal space, hypothalamus, and limbic system. The prefrontal cortex allows an individual to process judgment and to modulate or inhibit aggressive responses in a socially appropriate way. Damage to this part of the brain will make the patient strike out after little or no provocation at all, not considering the consequences. They will exhibit fast reflexive emotional responses to stimuli.
Neurotransmitters are chemical messengers that enable the communication of nervous cells, neurons, in the central and peripheral nervous systems. In the human brain, this aspect of function regulates the flow of information to the neurons associated with emotional, cognitive, and behavioral experiences.
The brain has these neurotransmitters that either excites or starts the aggression mechanism or inhibit it. Examples of excitatory neurotransmitters are acetylcholine and norepinephrine while the inhibitory neurotransmitters are the serotonin and GABA (gammaaminobutyric acid).
A study by Burrowes (Burrowes 1988) which shows that patients with a low 5-HIAA ( a serotonin metabolite) levels attempted several violent suicides (a form of self-aggression). Serotonin leads to the limbic system which is involved in the production of emotional-affective behavior as well as aggression. Low serotonin levels will not stop the limbic system from being activated leading to outbursts of aggression.
However these surveys were uncontrolled therefore caution is asked when readers analyze this data.
There are actually three particular personality disorders that are related to serial killers. Macalester College
The first is the attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder. This disorder is well known for its pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity impulsivity that is more frequent and severe than is typically observed in individuals at the same level of development. There are evidences that Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD is prominent in serial killers and they are commonly referred to psychiatrists for treatment of rage and psychopathy.
Second is the antisocial personal disorder (the psychopath or sociopath). These people are usually with the characteristics of general disregard for others and are always caught violating the rights of others. They are very deceitful and manipulative. Contrary to common belief, a sociopath does not mean someone who is withdrawn or does not want to socialize.
Last is the conduct disorder. A person suffering from this disorder is always violating the basic rights of others. This criterion is for children and adolescence aged 17 and below. They are deceitful, aggressive, and they love destroying property of other people.
Serial killer development can begin in the womb, as stated by Macalester College
Malnutritioned, anemic, alcoholic and drug-addicted mothers often have children with abnormal brain development. Alcoholism and drug abuse are hazardous to a fetal development as it interferes with the nervous system and these may affect a child’s and adult’s ability to control violent impulsive behavior. Also as Macalester College
Equally important, Macalester College
Bonding is achieved in stages that begin with smiles and gestures to the mother to being able to differentiate family and another. There is really no concluded time needed to complete this process. But it is generally agreed that by the age of two, a human being’s attitude toward life and other human beings has already been established.
Furthermore, the disruption of this bonding may render a child to be incapable of feeling sympathy, affection, or remorse (characteristics of serial killers). They are “detached” as said by pediatricians and psychologists and according to Newton (1992) as victims of humanity.
These detached children form a relationship based on need and not on emotion. They are also often retarded in development and conceptual thinking and language skills. They then became more aggressive and violent as they enter adolescence. The worst that could happen is that the individual could be suffering with antisocial personality disorder.
Finally, Macalester College
Similarly, Macalester College
Also Macalester College
There are no conclusions to the direct causes of serial killer behavior but data and literature suggests that alcohol, drugs, and pornography as major contributing factors. Although, it is a belief that pornography and alcohol causes people to kill but many Americans indulge on these yet they never physically harm anyone.
Phases of Serial Killing
The first phase is the antecedent behavior and planning. Before planning a kill, a killer is highly stressed from his life (job, home, school, relationships, and death-caused stress). A killer expresses negative emotions and then plans a murder based on a conscious fantasy, or reason to kill. Before the crime or murder, the killer is very violent and aggressive that leads to fire-starting, killing of animals, assaulting people, stealing, etc. The killer then roam around an area every night looking for victims that match the victims in their fantasy (the victims are relevant to the cause of the killer behavior). The impulse to kill only happens when the victims refuse to “cooperate” there fore they kill the victim to preserve the fantasy. Some triggers to kill are alcohol or the person himself. The control of the killer over the victim is what matters.
The second phase is the actual murder. Some killers are brought to their senses when they find themselves in the actual scene. They then get scared when the victim starts to struggle or scream. Yet there are killers who get extremely “high” with the scene.
The third phase is the disposal of the body. Disposing of the body differs among killers. Some may choose to leave their victims in the open or leave them. The places where they leave or bury their victims are relevant to the killer. One case is when a killer buried heads at his backyard with the heads looking up to his mother’s window. He would then tell his mother, “People look at you”. The body position is also important as it should be in a specific position just like in their fantasy. Some may be left nude or with small articles of clothing.
Other serial killers keep souvenirs of their victim, keeping body parts and the like.
The final phase is the post crime activity and behavior. After the crime, a killer is relieved. Some are still emotionally high and can’t rest because of the fear of getting caught. Some even return to the crime scene to observe the discovery of the body. They keep newspaper clippings and document their killing. They sometimes are the anonymous callers that tip the police where to find the body.
Preventive Measures to Remedy Serial Killing
Asiaweek, 20(16) (April 20, 1944): page 31 on the other hand states that stricter punitive measures must be enforced to prevent crimes from flourishing. For instance, Singapore did not tolerate teenage vandalizer Michael Faye and imprisoned him. As a result, vandalism in Singapore eventually disappeared.
Finally, as The Agenda, 1(24) (November 18, 1993) states, bureaucracy should be neglected and a unification move among all crime prevention agencies and intelligence agencies should team up to solve and prevent crimes. Incompetence, corruption, and mismanagement of an agency should immediately be remedied.
Serial killers have struck fear into the hearts of human beings. They are a major threat to society but society must also consider that these so called monsters are the product of our own doing.
Society is just getting back its due for as the saying goes, for every action comes an equal and opposite reaction. A change in the way it treats people should be changed. Discrimination and prejudice should be eliminated to eliminate or at least prevent the serial killer phenomenon from growing.
We should also highlight the importance of the core of society, the family. Every child has a right to be in an environment of love and nurturing. The rights of children should be strictly enforced because it is true that the future of our society lies in their hands. We can apply stricter security measures but the best way to prevent a serial murder from occurring is to destroy the root of it all: domestic violence.
It has been proven so many times now that disunity and carelessness have caused so many problems and will continue its destruction unless we fight for unity. Through this we can achieve the real utopia.
The Grolier International Dictionary.
Maynard, Massachusetts: Houghton Mifflin Company,
The New Encyclopædia Britannica. 15th ed.
Chicago: Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc.,
Ressler, et al.
Sexual Homicide: Patterns and Motives.
Lexington: Lexington Heath,
Sainsbury, et al.
The Illustrated Dictionary of The Human Body.
Wiltshire, UK: Merlion Publishing Ltd,
“Anti-Crime Board Creates SIKOP”
November 18, 1993, p. 3
Asiaweek, 20-16 (April 20, 1994):
“History of Serial Killers”
“Are We All Emotional Beings?”
“Associated Psychological Disorder”
“Blame Mommy and Daddy”
“Genes and Intelligence”
“Mind of Serial Killers”
“Murder Down Town”
“Neurons and Neurotransmitters”
“Nope It’s The Environment”
“Who Created These Monsters?”
Scott, Shirley Lynn
“Cause and Prevention”
Martyr is a very close friend of mine and I would never want to see this person get hurt and I blame myself for everything for it was my doing that made their paths to cross. I have told Martyr who Lust is and what Lust is capable of but somehow Martyr got infatuated with Lust and suddenly decides to give Lust a chance and hoped that Lust won’t treat Martyr as Lust treats the other exes. I’m only hoping for a miracle that this is true for Martyr hopes that Martyr can change Lust. But who could change Lust when even the source of Lust can’t control Lust. Lust is a selfish spoiled brat who gets what Lusts wants anytime anywhere.
Oh! The great pain I go through every time I think of Lust and Martyr together. I know that Martyr will never give Lust what Lust wants because Martyr is not stupid like the exes of Lust.
I don’t know what to do… If Martyr is happy with Lust, should I just leave Martyr alone when I know what will happen in the end? Lust gets what Lust wants and then leaves Martyr alone with nothing? How sad… How really sad…
Stress is part of life. Or we can also say that life is stress. Yes these two come hand in hand. Why because life could never exist with out stress and stress cannot exist with out life. We experience stress on a day-to-day basis. We experience stress at home, at school, and even in our love life! But stress does not just happen when we feel on the edge or when we are on the verge of exploding! Stress also accompanies us during our good experiences like your first kiss, getting an A in Chemistry, or even when you get to finish a very brain-drilling project. So this is how we sort of understand stress. But what is stress really and how do we cope with it?
Stress, which we all know is the opposite of relaxation, is a medical term for the "wear and tear" our bodies experience as we adjust to our continually changing environment. Our stress can be classified into two types according to its causes and effects. Eustress, or the positive stress, is essential to life because this kind of stress empowers us to be more productive and it also results in a new awareness and an exciting new perspective. Eustress is the product of extreme happiness. Distress, or the negative stress, on the other hand can result in disease. The longer a person is subjected to distress, the person may be overstressed and the person will experience feelings of distrust, rejection, anger, and depression, which in turn can lead to severe health problems such as headaches, upset stomach, rashes, insomnia, ulcers, high blood pressure, heart disease, and stroke. There are many temporary relieves for stress, or pick-me-ups, such as sugar, alcohol, caffeine, solvents, drugs, tobacco, and even our own adrenaline. It is not advisable to combat our depression with these pick-me-ups because they are only temporary and they will lead to addiction and dependence to these items. It is more advisable to cope up stress by proper stress management. There are six simple ways to do this. The first way is to identify your stressors, or the factors that cause stress. If you have identified your stressors, the second step would be to recognize what you can change. For example, we AHSE students have 31 units this semester and this is our stressor. To reduce the effect of the stress caused by this since we cannot drop subjects, we can devote part of our time to give attention to each subject and give ourselves breaks. The third way to reduce stress is to reduce the intensity of your emotional reactions to stress. Always think positive and do not linger with the “what ifs and should haves”. Fourth is to learn to moderate your physical reactions to stress. We should learn relaxation techniques like deep breathing. Fifth is to build your physical reserves. We should always stay physically healthy by exercising regularly, eating right, and sleeping right. Lastly, we should maintain our emotional reserves. We can do this by developing a support group.
Coping with stress is not a hard task. All we need is the will to throw away our troubles and just be happy. As the very popular saying would go, it’s a mind over matter thing. We can never get rid of our stressors so we might as well live with it creatively. If you still can’t cope it’s advisable to seek professional help.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Why am I blogging again?
Here I go again jotting down my thoughts and posting it on my blog. Well let’s just say that I have been inspired by a colleague again and also realized why I blog. I blog, or write down an online journal, to have someone, or in this case an inanimate object, hear my sentiments and even problems. I suddenly remember Sarah Jessica Parker and Sex and the City. She’s a writer right and she always write down her thoughts on her laptop. Well let’s just say that I myself am an aspiring writer and I do express my self better in writing than speaking. Besides, in this case my blog won’t reject me because of the things I say and I am assured that my blogger would listen and won’t get bored.
I also want other people to know me… Well just for the fun of it hehehe. Joke. It’s not as if the whole world really have access to my blog. But I do have some visitors of my blog and they are from other countries and they too have blogs.
Hey don’t get me wrong! I may be an introvert but I also do have my own circle of friends to share my problems, joys, and etc. That’s why I haven’t updated my blog for a very long time now. Well it has been very long since my last post. I have a lot of updating to do. Where to start? My life is becoming interesting and exciting.
Hey! I suddenly thought of another reason why I should blog! If ever I die at least my parents and loved ones can have something to log on to, to remember me and my pessimistic self hehehe… yes life is short and we should make the best out of it.
Ok enough drama, here is the start of my blogging spree hehehe… I’ll try to write down my thoughts everyday. And sorry if you get board, but hey… this blog is all about me right?! Bwahahaha!!!
Mary is depressed and lonely. She feels her life is a mess. She tells herself, "If I can just find some people to like me I'll be happy."
When your life is a mess, happy and stable people tend to avoid you. They look for those who are basically happy and stable. While Mary is miserable and depressed, she'll only attract people who have big problems. They they’ll have twice the misery.
The same applies to waiting for lovers. We have to sort ourselves out first. If I say to you "Love me enough, and I'm sure I'll stop trying to kill myself'< that’s bound to put a strain on the relationship.
Other people can help to make us happier, but we need to be in control of our life first. When we wait for people to 'arrive' and fix everything we're courting disappointment. If they don’t arrive, we get more depressed
If they do arrive, but they don’t behave, as we want, then we get really depressed! Then we blame them and say, "you're supposed to make me happy!"
People who enjoy fulfilling, stable relationships are balanced people. They don't go looking for someone else to 'fill a hole'
They recognize their own value. In songs and movies people say, "I was NOBODY 'till I met," but in real life, that’s an unhealthy situation. You have to be SOMEBODY first. It’s no good being someone’s "other half" - you’re a whole person.
Lets learn from Mary. She is lonely, depressed, and feels left out. She doesn’t understand why people exclude her from their plans.
She may have overlooked the fact that she’s always waiting for other people to call her up, make a move, make a date, and coax her into joining them. People get tired of coaxing you into things. They want enthusiasm.
You have to make it known that you’re ready to participate in life. The first step in making friends is a willingness to get out and meet people. You don’t meet many fascinating individuals walking between your TV and your computer.
Mary can become an initiator, and get on the phone and call up some people. "Hi, John! You may not remember me but I live across the street. Would you like to go out for a pizza?” Hi BRYLE (here) Imp thinking of doing some cycling, studying, or hang gliding this weekend. Will you join me?
The world is full of people who have conquered shyness (or arrogance or pride) and have opened up new horizons. If you plan to make some changes and some new friends, be prepared for the occasional knock back or declined invitation. Continue to make the effort and you’ll be rewarded.
To avoid disappointment, form friendships without expecting anything in return. Do things for others without demands, and you’ll never be disappointed. Some people will return favors and affection, and some wont. If you care for people because you want to, and not because you expect something back, you wont feel crushed should they fail to return a thought or favor?
The universe is essentially fair and just. If you are giving out care and affection, good things will come back to you, though not necessarily when or from where you expect.