Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Realizations about posting... And other websites...

I finally realized that I'm posting the wrong way... I so like Chenee's webpage! Grrr.... I wish I also have one, I'm so envious! This is her add: I think it's so cool. I'll try to make one in the future, but I'm always short in time.

Monday, September 27, 2004

SAP Immersion!

I'm so excited for this coming Saturday!!! It's finally my immersion time. For the two years that I have been a SAP volunteer, this will be the only and last time that I'll be able to live with foster families and experience how they live their day to day life. I'm also excited about the photo essay thing that we will pass. I'll make sure that my pictures are "picture perfect!" I know that Talisayan is a beautiful place. I know for a fact that I'm going to enjoy my self and nature. I love my job, not a job really. I really love helping people as a volunteer, it's the only opportunity I have to show love to the less fortunate. Well, that's all for today. I have to finish my Economics assignment!

Hear me complain and grummble!!!

I am so tired!!! I have so many assignments and projects to finish. Not to mention all of the tests that I have to take consecutively! After one period of test, the next will be another test! Aaah! I don't anymore sleep well. I have to stay awake every night. Thank God there's coffee to keep me awake. I'm really so tired. I just want to sleep as early as 7:00 pm during a school day. After the weekends, I still have to do my weekend assignments. Where will I find strength from all the stress and pain that I'm going through? I have to go through this and achieve my dreams. I will not give up! I just need to finish my 4th year then I'm off to college! Where I'm looking forward for the privilage of choosing my own class schedule. I'll really make sure that I still have time to sleep!!! I have to bear this! Yes I will!

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Do I Exist Or Live Life?

What is life by the way? Why am I alive? Is living all about the grades and the achievements? Does one’s skills define a person? Why do we always have to be classified into classes? If this is the definition of life then what’s the use of living?

I can say that I really just exist. I feel so little, useless, and unimportant. Even if I die would anyone care? The world will still continue to turn and people would still do their daily routines like nothing happened. I’m not the center of the universe anyway right? No one is. I just exist because I don’t see any use in living. I am tired to wake up each day just to see my self fail again and again. I try so hard to do things that would give meaning to my living but life spits at me and laughs at my weaknesses. It pains me to know that my best is not enough. I believed that I was born for greater things and that I have skills to do those things I want to do, but the problem is that I am not given the opportunity to show it for no one believes in me. I want to stand out and I want to shine, I don’t want to settle for the sayings that there would always be winners and losers. Life is unfair and it totally sucks. I just have to deal with it right?

I don’t care anymore that’s why I just want to live life as it is: boring and again so unfair. There is nothing in store for me anyway. If this is my destiny, then fine. I’ll just drown in my misery until death takes me away in his arms. What is in life? What is happiness? I just don’t know for I can’t equate my self to any form of happiness. I don’t want to feel the pain anymore. Life for me is just torment. I try to live life and be happy but things just don’t go that way. Maybe I was just born a loser, I just have to accept it and deal with it. I just want to sleep and never wake up. I so hate life. I just exist with out any purpose because this is all that I will ever be. I just exist. What is in life for me to live it? That’s why I just sit and stare at people because I envy them so much because they are just so happy with their lives. I just exist.