Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Do I Exist Or Live Life?

What is life by the way? Why am I alive? Is living all about the grades and the achievements? Does one’s skills define a person? Why do we always have to be classified into classes? If this is the definition of life then what’s the use of living?

I can say that I really just exist. I feel so little, useless, and unimportant. Even if I die would anyone care? The world will still continue to turn and people would still do their daily routines like nothing happened. I’m not the center of the universe anyway right? No one is. I just exist because I don’t see any use in living. I am tired to wake up each day just to see my self fail again and again. I try so hard to do things that would give meaning to my living but life spits at me and laughs at my weaknesses. It pains me to know that my best is not enough. I believed that I was born for greater things and that I have skills to do those things I want to do, but the problem is that I am not given the opportunity to show it for no one believes in me. I want to stand out and I want to shine, I don’t want to settle for the sayings that there would always be winners and losers. Life is unfair and it totally sucks. I just have to deal with it right?

I don’t care anymore that’s why I just want to live life as it is: boring and again so unfair. There is nothing in store for me anyway. If this is my destiny, then fine. I’ll just drown in my misery until death takes me away in his arms. What is in life? What is happiness? I just don’t know for I can’t equate my self to any form of happiness. I don’t want to feel the pain anymore. Life for me is just torment. I try to live life and be happy but things just don’t go that way. Maybe I was just born a loser, I just have to accept it and deal with it. I just want to sleep and never wake up. I so hate life. I just exist with out any purpose because this is all that I will ever be. I just exist. What is in life for me to live it? That’s why I just sit and stare at people because I envy them so much because they are just so happy with their lives. I just exist.

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