Monday, May 24, 2010

Dissapointment and Regrets

These past few days have been horrible for me. I feel like my life is slowly crumbling apart. The warmth that I felt as I was surrounded by friends feel like a dream that I am shaking off as I wake up to the ruckus of the real world. I am damaged, a person cast off from the rest of the people for being different. I'm all alone... how sad.

I know it's too late to regret and feel sorry for myself for being weak... poor, miserable, outcast. How pitiful. How I wish I had the strength and the patience. I wish I had held my tongue and kept my emotions in check, all is lost. There's no turning back, I have to face my mistakes.

Disgust. It left a bad taste in my mouth. Humiliated. I cannot let them see my shame. Ridiculed. I just want to hide under a rock and disappear.

This is why I never let people in my life, as it only lower my defenses.  I feel as if something was taken away from me and I can't just function well anymore.

Photo credits:

Regret... by *Mikeinel

Fixing Your Credit History

Having a good credit history is very important. Without a credit history or if you have a bad credit history, no lending institution will ever lend you money so say good bye to your dream car or dream vacation. Even getting a student loan from the government requires you to have a good credit history. If you have bad credit then you should really look for credit repair services.

I don't have bad credit right now but it helps to plan out scenarios to find a contingency plans for the "what if's".If I had bad credit then I would surely want to fix my credit right away. There are so many debt re-consolidation services out there but you have to find the right one that will help you from the very beginning by obtaining your credit history for you. Some companies would actually charge several hidden costs, when you're doing all the work.

That's why I would really consider DSI Solutions for help with my credit company. They are one of the best companies that offer a full return of payments if ever your unsatisfied with their service. This will surely give a lot of people a big sigh of relief since other companies wouldn't give a refund even if they weren't able to help you at all.

Thinking about credit history is intimidating at first, but this is why having a reliable company who you could trust changes everything.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

I Want a Break from Life

I hope who ever thought of the statement, "Take a break from life... attend nursing school", isn't serious because if he/she is then he/she has a serious problem. Nursing school is not taking a break from life because nursing becomes your life: studying, classes, more studying, and if you need to work like me then you're totally screwed.

I am so tired! I don't want to go to school anymore, I don't want to work anymore, all I want to do is stay at home and sleep. Unlike most students, I actually prioritize my sleeping over studying so I'm less stressed than they are. It's just ironic that I actually skip school just so I could study.

I'm just glad that at least one of my courses are going to be over next week so I'm very excited. Word of advice: If you don't like the teaching skills of your teacher during the first few days, drop it or look for another teacher. Well I prefer, self-study over listening to someone who dwells on things that he will never quiz you on later anyway.

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 as the lowest and 10 as the highest, my stress level is at 8. I'm about to cave in. If it wasn't for the few hours I have before I go to work or the free time I have before I go to sleep I would be insane right now.

I just hate it when my mom makes me do things during my "free time" because honestly I go to school the entire morning and I go to work the entire night so NO I don't want to do anything else and I just want my ME time. I don't want to tell this to her but I want to say that I want my rest and relaxation time because you were the one who placed me in this predicament anyway. I NEVER wanted an effing expensive car because I don't want to work while I'm at school but I did buy it because you said that you'll pay for HALF of it which you're NOT. Plus you've been buying stuff off my credit card and you've never paid me back. I don't really care if you don't pay me back but just stop buying useless things like a Bose home theatre system. Like seriously? I don't even want to eat out since I'm broke and you could afford to buy useless things? She also bought a barbecue grill yesterday which I'm so sure we will NEVER use. I'd love to ask for more day off's at work but I can't since I have to pay my credit card debt, debt that I didn't incur but my mom did. I tried asking money from her to pay for a course at school but she uses it instead to buy a freaking Bose speakers? Seriously?

So yes, I need a break from living. I don't want to travel anywhere cause that will lead me to more debt. I just want to stay at home and chill.

Photo credits to:

Friday, May 14, 2010

The Dream of Being Possessed and Dull Updates

These days, it has been very rare for me to get dreams. I usually dream when I am about to wake up and I usually forget what I was dreaming about. I had a dream this morning and it was a bit weird. I actually dreamt about my old classmates. I was never close friends with these guys but somehow I had a strong attachment to them. 

There are times when I wake up, I just want to go back to sleep, especially if the dream I had was great. Why is it that my life in my dreams is better than my real life?

My dream wasn't that all good. In my dream I saw a beast that was possessing me. I think it is my unconscious mind which is conjuring these but I guess this was my way of rationalizing why I'm unmotivated to wake up in the morning to go to school.

My life is so boring indeed. When ever people ask me what's new with me, it's always the same dull response: nothing... Nothing is happening to my life. I wish there was but if ever there was some happenings in my life, it's usually something negligible. 

I wish my life is more exciting in a way. My life is a daily routine of waking up, going to school, work, then sleep and then repeat the same dull routine. I just want to break free from it all and just go on a vacation somewhere.

Today wasn't that bad I guess. I had the opportunity of taking part in a self-hypnotism session. I can't say that it worked a 100% but I did feel relaxed and energized from self-hypnotism. I just wished I was hypnotized to act like a bird or something exciting.

But over all, this was an ok day.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Staying In Control of Life

Before I went back to school, I always complained how my life was derailed and how slow and aimless my life was. Now that I have everything that I've wanted (school, new job, new life), everything seems to be happening so fast and I'm afraid I can't just keep up with it.

I'm not really stressed out as I am able to cope with everything but the frequent bombardment of stress is taking a toll on my insanity.
I don't want my life to be derailed again so I need to take control of my life right now. I need to take a moment and reflect upon the things that stresses me out.

Here are a couple of things that stress me out:
  1. Filipinos who can't mind their own business
  2. Stupid customers.
  3. Money Issues.
I would love to put "school" as the number four stressor in my life but it actually isn't. I just realized that from all of the things in this world, it is studying that I have control over. It is my own actions, choices, and motivation that could spell my own success or failure. I have the power over my studies and I will not let anyone take this away from me.

These days I've been complacent about my studies. I've been getting the same grades as everyone (B's) but I know that if I really studied then I would have gotten a better mark. I haven't been motivated enough to study lately but things are going to change from now on. I will make the things that stress me out as my motivation for me to study more and succeed in my studies.

Life is unpredictable, but I am glad that I have at least one thing that I could take control of.

Photo Credits:

Fast life by ~DuendeGotico

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

My Struggle to Grab my Blog Back

If you have read my older post, Blog Spring Cleaning, then you would know how frustrated I am with the entire ordeal. Never again will I have someone else register my domain name on my behalf.

Anyway, I woke up this morning seeing everything covered in snow. It felt like winter showed it's ugly head once again but I wasn't surprised anymore, this is Canada after all. So I have my classes again and I haven't really completely re-claimed and redesigned my blog the way I envisioned it to be, but I am heading at the right direction.

If you have noticed, my blog actually has more blog posts right now as I have exported my posts from my blogs,  Grim Angel and My Nurses Notes, to this blog. I thought that I might as well bring all of my posts into one blog because it's pretty weird to have my thoughts and writings scattered all over the internet.

I just really hope that I get to come up with good blog posts soon as my entries so far are complete garbage.

Image credit goes to