WAITING FOR SOMEONE
“I’m just waiting for someone to come along and make me happy"
Mary is depressed and lonely. She feels her life is a mess. She tells herself, "If I can just find some people to like me I'll be happy."
When your life is a mess, happy and stable people tend to avoid you. They look for those who are basically happy and stable. While Mary is miserable and depressed, she'll only attract people who have big problems. They they’ll have twice the misery.
The same applies to waiting for lovers. We have to sort ourselves out first. If I say to you "Love me enough, and I'm sure I'll stop trying to kill myself'< that’s bound to put a strain on the relationship.
Other people can help to make us happier, but we need to be in control of our life first. When we wait for people to 'arrive' and fix everything we're courting disappointment. If they don’t arrive, we get more depressed
If they do arrive, but they don’t behave, as we want, then we get really depressed! Then we blame them and say, "you're supposed to make me happy!"
People who enjoy fulfilling, stable relationships are balanced people. They don't go looking for someone else to 'fill a hole'
They recognize their own value. In songs and movies people say, "I was NOBODY 'till I met," but in real life, that’s an unhealthy situation. You have to be SOMEBODY first. It’s no good being someone’s "other half" - you’re a whole person.
SO WHAT DO I DO?
Lets learn from Mary. She is lonely, depressed, and feels left out. She doesn’t understand why people exclude her from their plans.
She may have overlooked the fact that she’s always waiting for other people to call her up, make a move, make a date, and coax her into joining them. People get tired of coaxing you into things. They want enthusiasm.
You have to make it known that you’re ready to participate in life. The first step in making friends is a willingness to get out and meet people. You don’t meet many fascinating individuals walking between your TV and your computer.
Mary can become an initiator, and get on the phone and call up some people. "Hi, John! You may not remember me but I live across the street. Would you like to go out for a pizza?” Hi BRYLE (here) Imp thinking of doing some cycling, studying, or hang gliding this weekend. Will you join me?
The world is full of people who have conquered shyness (or arrogance or pride) and have opened up new horizons. If you plan to make some changes and some new friends, be prepared for the occasional knock back or declined invitation. Continue to make the effort and you’ll be rewarded.
To avoid disappointment, form friendships without expecting anything in return. Do things for others without demands, and you’ll never be disappointed. Some people will return favors and affection, and some wont. If you care for people because you want to, and not because you expect something back, you wont feel crushed should they fail to return a thought or favor?
The universe is essentially fair and just. If you are giving out care and affection, good things will come back to you, though not necessarily when or from where you expect.