Thursday, October 8, 2009

Hate Only Beget Hate

I was very unfortunate enough to bump into my least favorite people in the world. I bumped into them in a small shopping centre as I unfortunately had to get blood tests done because of my incompetent doctor. Anyway I had the option to just mind my own business and walk pass them... but I didn't.

My pent up anger was already too strong that I followed them to the food court. I sat near them and had double thoughts as whether to confront them or not. I actually went out the shopping centre and came back several times. I knew that I should be the bigger person and just think that they were not worth it but I just couldn't do it.

I wanted to curse the two of them (my harassers is composed of 8-10 people but I only saw those two effing couple) and scream at them like a madman. I wanted to make a scene and make them regret everything that they have inflicted on me. But what the hell? I didn't even say a single word of vulgarity or curse. I wasn't able to say the "F" word or GTH! I just realized that I was effing calm and I just told them that there is nothing they can say to me anymore because I don't work at a effing Tim Hortons anymore. I told them that they must be really sad that they don't have anyone to criticise or harass. I told them to spread the word to their effing friends that I have won this battle.

But God damn it! Not a single bad word... I am just too polite I hate myself.

Anyway, I am happy that I told them that I hate them (sort of) and I am dropping them from my hate list for good. They have stayed too long in my head and heart rent-free and it's time to kick them out. They mean nothing to me now. I have a new life and I intend to live it that way. Although I didn't say "I forgive you" as most goody-two-shoes would do, but what can I say I'm not that good.

They actually said they don't know me (but they did because they did say I already talked to them before at the store about them harassing me) and they should call the police on me. The nerve! They've been ruining my life and sanity and they even refuse to admit that they speak ill of me. Well I hope God takes them right now to heaven! Ok, I'm sick and I need help... anyone here know a good psychiatrist?

Yes I am much happier now than before. They said that quitting and not facing your problems head-on is a sign of weakness. But in my case, it's the best thing to do. I quit my past job because of so many reasons. But I am very happy with my decision and I wish I could have done it sooner.

Because of my harassers, I had grown to shun away Filipinos around me. I felt that they represented the whole Filipinos in the world as in general. Sure there are some rotten Filipinos (as well as in other races I'm sure) but it's not enough reason to dislike every single Filipino. I used to be traumatized by Filipinos and this became a problem because whenever Filipinos are near me, my brain actually plays tricks on me and I hear them dissing me. I even hear Filipinos talking about me on the bus but to my surprise there weren't any Filipinos at all. Just shows how traumatized and insecure I am around them.

When it comes to hate I am always the first one to crumble. I just don't want to carry the burden of hating anyone... it's too darn hard I tell you. You know what? When ever I see a person who wants to ruin my day then go ahead! Say what ever you want because I would just let it pass from one ear to another. I wouldn't even react or make a scene... gosh this is also too hard to do.

But whatever! I am happy with my life and I will mind my own damn business so mind your own business too. How does that sound?

I'm such a drama queen. I hate myself... wait... hate only begets hate so... I love myself just as much as I love everyone in the world. I love you guys! Even my haters! You trolls will always shatter me to pieces but  my friends and I will put me back together...

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