Friday, March 24, 2006

Random Thoughts...

I don’t know I have been depressed these past weeks… Maybe it’s just because I’m bored to death because I don’t have anything to do. There are a couple of good shows on TV but I don’t want to watch TV the whole day. Playing computer games is a waste of time. I try to be more productive by trying to write a short story or something but I don’t finish it because I’m not in the mood (I usually write when I’m depressed, this is when all my creative juice flows out). I want to sing but I don’t want the people in the house to hear and I’m just too lazy to open my books and study (hey I have to familiarize my self with human biology because this is my future career). What is wrong with me? I can’t wait for summer classes! I’d rather study than stay at home and rot. Well it is good to be able to be at home and rest but I want to do something worthwhile, something that gives meaning to my life.

Anyway, I hate my self for not being able to get over someone. Well I did took the risk of blurting out my feelings but I accept what happened but I can’t seem to move on. I’m still obsessed over this person. Like what is wrong with me?! My brain has totally failed me. But I have to move on… I just have to. I just hate being in love. It totally sucks if the one you love doesn’t even care that you existed. But I wonder when I will meet the one for me? But all I care about right now is to forget this person and just move on with my beloved nerdy life!

Thank God at least my whole summer wasn’t a waste of time. I did get to attend this great Leadership Awareness Workshop of the KKP-SIP (Kristohanong Katilingban sa Pagpakabana – Social Involvement Program) and I did get to see my self and it made my big head bigger. I am a good leader and people see that except that I sometime am sick and tired of always being held responsible for everything. Sure I love being the leader but I need the full support of everyone too.

I suddenly am gripped with the realization that my future is so uncertain. I still look down at my self and my capabilities. But most of all, I am scared that I will grow all alone. But I have to be optimistic right? I am scared but I will face the future with hope and courage.

Friday, March 10, 2006

An Update on my Life

Today is Friday, March 10, 2006. I don’t have any exams for today yippee! I have all the time in the world to sleep and just laze around. Yeah right! I still have a term paper in history to finish and I have to study for chemistry!!! But I know that I can handle this! Hehehe… So far I did have enough sleep, I slept like a rock last night. I am now fully energized. I’m just blogging to warm up my brain for the stress and strain it will experience once I open my research files for my term paper entitled: “Uncovering the Truth Behind the Marcos Millions”. My exams were amazingly easy but I just don’t know how I faired but I’m confident that I passed, but I don’t just want to have an average or an above average mark but I do deserve my grade because I admit that I haven’t been giving my best lately. But this summer, I aim to get straight A’s. Imagine three subjects everyday! I can really give out my best in this situation!!! I’m already so excited! So far life has been good. I’m happy… but for how long? But I would rather study than laze around already hehehe… I’m excited for 2nd year because I’ve heard that it wouldn’t be AHSE-II (Associate in Health Science) any longer but directly BSN-2 (BS in Nursing)!!! I would really strive hard for my major subjects that are related to my career than the less important subjects like Filipino and PE that I believe have no relation to my career at all. But I would still have to do well in them though or I loose my scholarship buhuhu… Any way I guess I have nothing else to say.

Brokeback Mountain - Reaction Paper

PLEASE TAKE NOTE OF THE CORRECTIONS: Del Mar instead of Keith (Heath Ledger) and Jack Twist instead of Jake (Jake Gyllenhaal)….
This movie is really great and it deserves the 7 Golden Globe Awards! It’s typically about two males falling for each other. And for those who are wondering, NO! This movie is not a sex-flick or something. This movie has great intellectual content and must be approached with logic. Brokeback Mountain is the place where our two lead characters, Jack and Keith, meet and work together as sheepherders or shepherds. This is where the forces of nature take over them both. They start to fall for each other and boom they have sex. The situation was also conducive for the act to occur because it was cold in the mountains and they only have a tent and a few blankets to warm them. They had to huddle close together to share precious body heat. I don’t know if any of them was gay or bisexual. In my understanding a gay is someone who is only attracted to the same sex and even wishes to become a female and that they don’t have any interest in females. Bisexuals on the other hand or the “double-blades” can be attracted to both male and female. But as the story progresses, we find out that our characters get married. But I can say that Jake is the one who is more prone to be the gay or more female partner because he was the one who started everything. Jake seduced Keith and was even the one who wants to really start a relationship with Keith. Keith on the other hand is very reserved or more appropriately described as discreet because he also loves Jake as shown by his great excitement when after 4 years they have parted ways he heard from Jake. Keith even cried and even broke down when he and Jake parted ways. It was the year 1969 and homosexual love was after all not yet accepted by society and the guilty parties of breaking the mores of society are killed or dehumanized by many hate crimes.
But even if they were both gay, or if Jake was the only one who was gay, we cannot help but think why this strange happening could happen. What causes one to be gay or bisexual? As I’ve learned in my psychology class, homosexuality and it’s derivatives (eg bisexuality) is caused by heredity and/or the environment. But I believe that it is both nature and nurture that causes this. And it is not considered as a disorder or as abnormal by psychologists and sociologists because it has already become a natural occurring phenomenon and homosexuality could be traced even way before and some great men are homosexuals like Napoleon Bonaparte.
Please also take note that it is a scientific proven fact that love is not exclusive to the heterosexual. I am not saying this because I am a supporter of the homosexuals and neither am I their persecutor. I’m just writing this as a sort of reaction/reflection paper for the great movie that I am proud to have watched.
But I must say that I condemn those people who are disrespectful to the homosexuals or those who persecute them. We must be compassionate and understanding that some of them did not wish to be homosexual but as I said their nurturing and environment formed them to who they are right now. And I believe that being straight or being a heterosexual does not make us superior to the homosexuals. I really hate it when some people especially the uneducated males who often harass homosexuals and treat them as if they are lower beings as compared to them. I believe that there is no scale for measuring the worth of the person because every person has worth but in this case I could say that the uneducated prejudiced males and even some females are lesser beings if they don’t use their logic or if they aren’t compassionate because I believe that intelligence and emotions are the two things that sets us apart from the common beasts of the earth.

I Wish I Could Quit You
“I wish I could quit you,” said Jake when he and Keith were fighting at Brokeback Mountain. They were both unhappy with the way things are happening because Jake wants to settle down with Keith but Keith is unable to decide what he wants in life, Jake or the “normal” life with a woman as a partner. But we can say that Jake and Keith do love each other. What they have is not just a sexual fling or just a way to receive sexual pleasure because if that is what they both are after they can get that anytime they wanted to. Jake with all his money could just drive down to Mexico and buy himself a prostitute while Keith could sleep with any woman he wanted. But this is not the case because the relationship that they both have goes beyond mere companionship or call of the flesh. They both loved each other.
It really struck me when Jake said the lines, “I wish I could quit you…” because by experience I also have felt this. This line is not for the homosexual love alone, in fact there is no difference between homosexual love and heterosexual love. The only difference is that having a homosexual type of relationship would literally mean “you and me against the world” because society is against this (well the close-minded people at least). If you really love someone it is hard to just forget that person even if you are already being crushed. But I’d write about this in another topic. Let’s go back to Keith and Jake.

A Happy Life
I believed that if Keith only followed his heart then he would have lived a happy life with Jake and he wouldn’t be living all alone right now. And Jake wouldn’t have met an accident if he didn’t keep on drinking to forget Keith. I know that I am committing the fallacy “hypothesis contrary to fact” but this is what I believe would be the outcome of they only followed their hearts.
Maybe the lesson that the movie is trying to convey is that one, love is not for the heterosexual alone. Second, we must follow our hearts because we might just regret our foolish mistake of leaving the one we really love.

Synopsis - Brokeback Mountain

From Academy Award-winning filmmaker Ang Lee comes an epic American love story, Brokeback Mountain, the winner of the Golden Lion Award for Best Picture at this year's Venice International Film Festival. The film is based on the short story by Pulitzer Prize-winning author Annie Proulx and adapted for the screen by the team of Pulitzer Prize-winning author Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana. Set against the sweeping vistas of Wyoming and Texas, the film tells the story of two young men -- a ranch-hand and a rodeo cowboy -- who meet in the summer of 1963, and unexpectedly forge a lifelong connection, one whose complications, joys, and tragedies provide a testament to the endurance and power of love.
Early one morning in Signal, Wyoming, Ennis Del Mar (Heath Ledger) and Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) meet while lining up for employment with local rancher Joe Aguirre (Randy Quaid). The world which Ennis and Jack have been born into is at once changing rapidly and yet scarcely evolving. Both young men seem certain of their set places in the heartland – obtaining steady work, marrying, and raising a family – and yet hunger for something beyond what they can articulate. When Aguirre dispatches them to work as sheepherders up on the majestic Brokeback Mountain, they gravitate towards camaraderie and then a deeper intimacy.
At summer's end, the two must come down from Brokeback and part ways. Remaining in Wyoming, Ennis weds his sweetheart Alma (Michelle Williams), with whom he will have two daughters as he ekes out a living. Jack, in Texas, catches the eye of rodeo queen Lureen Newsome (Anne Hathaway). Their courtship and marriage result in a son, as well as jobs in her father's business.
Four years pass. One day, Alma brings Ennis a postcard from Jack, who is en route to visit Wyoming. Ennis waits expectantly for his friend, and when Jack at last arrives, in just one moment it is clear that the passage of time has only strengthened the men's attachment. In the years that follow, Ennis and Jack struggle to keep their secret bond alive. They meet up several times annually. Even when they are apart, they face the eternal questions of fidelity, commitment, and trust. Ultimately, the one constant in their lives is a force of nature – love.
A Focus Features and River Road Entertainment Presentation. An Ang Lee Film. Heath Ledger, Jake Gyllenhaal. Brokeback Mountain. Linda Cardellini, Anna Faris, Anne Hathaway, Michelle Williams, and Randy Quaid. Casting, Avy Kaufman, C.S.A. Costume Design, Marit Allen. Music Supervision, Kathy Nelson. Music by Gustavo Santaolalla. Edited by Geraldine Peroni, Dylan Tichenor, A.C.E. Production Designer, Judy Becker. Director of Photography, Rodrigo Prieto, A.S.C., A.M.C. Co-Producer, Scott Ferguson. Executive Producer, Alberta Film Entertainment. Executive Producers, William Pohlad, Larry McMurtry, Michael Costigan, Michael Hausman. Producers, Diana Ossana, James Schamus. Based on the short story by Annie Proulx. Screenplay by Larry McMurtry & Diana Ossana. Directed by Ang Lee. A Focus Features Release.
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