It was a night shift during my preceptorship when my Daddy visited me in my dreams. I was on my break, sleeping peacefully, obviously in lala land when I started dreaming about my dad. There he was, driving us somewhere in a Mercedez GLK with missing front tires. Despite the odd combination of a luxury SUV and the missing tires, it was life as usual. It was a good dream as it felt like he was just there, just like any other normal day.
I don't know if dreams do have meaning, but any dream that has my dad in it and my family as a whole is welcomed. It was devastating how he died and we were left unprepared, dazed, and in shock. When he passed away, it was just like a terrible nightmare because it just felt so unreal. But unlike my wonderful dream of my dad driving my family and I in that Benz, there was no waking up from hearing the doctor say that they did their best and that he has passed away.
I sometimes blame myself for his death for being incompetent at being a nurse as I failed to recognize the signs of an anaphylactic reaction when it was just right in front of my eyes. But how could I expect to know that things would end that way when my dad was never allergic to anything?
It was a tragic night and a mind blowing reminder that life altering events could happen anytime.
If I must identify the silver lining to this story, I would have to say that this event in my life has made me more bolder and less hesitant in making choices in my life. I could die at any moment so I choose to do things that will make me happy. They may not be the best choices in the long term, but these are the choices that I have made so that I won't lay on my death bed saying, "I should have done that...".
I know this is so late na but please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. As you know I don't go around the 'blogsphere' as often [like almost never?] so I didn't know you lost your Dad so suddenly. I lost my Tatang more than 10 years ago...14 yrs to be exact and the pain is still there. Sabi nila the pain never really goes away, you just learn how to deal with it. Still the manner you lost him is so heartbreaking kasi 'sana' pwede pang maagapan. But then again, he's called already and there is nothing you could have done that would have saved him so please try not to feel guilty about it. Stay strong my friend. I hope your life has some kind of normalcy by now.
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