My New Boarding House

I remembered the day when I first went away from the very first boarding house I went home to. And now for the second time, I'm moving once again from my other so-called new home. But I did not move to escape the people I hate, I had to move because I had to be able to concentrate to be able to study. I liked those people but I had to go away so that I can study.

Don't get me wrong, I like my boardmates and landlady but I had to move for the best. Well, at least best for me. It's just too noisy for me to study... But now that I had moved away and have already settled in to my new found second home I suddenly realize that maybe I just blamed the noise for not being able to study. Maybe it's just because of me that I'm not able to study. I'm just too lazy and I don't know why. Now that I have already ran out of reasons and maybe even excuses I am now finally to look at my mistakes for the one hundred millionth time...

Oh well, here comes a new page in my journey called life.

On Relationships

Relationships

I have been looking at my past and remembering my past relationships. If you would watch my life story with me you could really say that my life sure is sure unstable. I had a lot of past relationships if you could call them relationships. If I did have a real relationship, it was only with this one girl who I hold dear to me and respect until now. The rest would be categorized in the unmentionables because I am ashamed to let any one know that I ever had anything to do with them.

I don’t know what I really want. I feel that I have been writing about this frequently. I keep on ranting about being lonely and empty. Maybe I was so desperate to be with someone that I make so stupid mistakes and end up with those pathetic people. Maybe I’m pathetic myself because I fell for them. Yes I did made mistakes but at least I’ve learned from them and I didn’t have to go through five or more relationships to learn my mistakes. I have learned to be happy with my self first to be happy with any one else. The saying “You complete me” is a total crap. Only broken people get together with other broken people and they both end up destroying both their lives. And that is more pathetic don’t you think?

I don’t really understand people and the concept of relationships. Is it pure hormonal instinct that people get together so that they can procreate? Don’t forget the other probable reason: survival. Don’t get me wrong but this is the tendency and even trend that I see. People only get attracted to people who are good looking, rich, famous, or people that would raise their status in society. I don’t really believe that love really exists between these types of people. This “feeling” that these people have is a safety belt that they have because the relationship is either mutually rewarding or beneficial for one.

When I was in high school this parent of someone I know asked me if I already had a girlfriend. I said no. And he was so shocked and even told me that I should really get one. I was so infuriated because what does having a girlfriend have to do anything with being a high school student? I never knew that it was a requirement to have a girlfriend to have good grades and graduate. What is really in relationships? Love? I don’t think so. Let’s face it. Let’s stop believing that love stories that we see in the movies are possible.

The motives for a relationship that I see are the following:

1. Sex

2. Popularity

3. Security

4. Other beneficial factors

But I wish that I could really be proven wrong because I world with this kind of people is a world that I don’t ever want to love in. There is more to relationships than what I said above, if only people would agree with me.

Losing Something

It's very frustrating when you lose something. It's more frustrating when you lose something very important and that you know that someone else was at fault. I hate finding things. It really stresses me out when I am faced with a situation where I don't know anything. Losing something feels like losing a part of you. When I lose something I feel so weak and so afraid.

There are times that I cannot take the pressure anymore that I burst into tears. Some may find this weird or even funny but it's very hard to lose something which you have kept safe until someone so stupid takes it away and misplaces it. I really hate it.

Who am I?

These are my personalities/characrteristics... I'm a Type 4 & 6 in the Enneagram...

Enneagram Type 4 - The Individualist

Identity seekers, who feel unique and different

People of this personality type tend to build their identities around their perception of themselves as being somehow different or unique; they are thus self-consciously individualistic. Fours tend to see their difference from others as being both a gift and a curse - a gift, because it sets them apart from those they perceive as being somehow "common," and a curse, as it so often seems to separate them from the simpler forms of happiness that others so readily seem to enjoy. Thus, Fours can manage to feel superior to others while also secretly harboring some degree of longing and envy. A feeling of being a member of the "true aristocracy" alternates with deep feelings of shame, and fears of somehow being deeply flawed or defective.

Fours are emotionally complex and highly sensitive. They long to be understood and appreciated for their authentic selves, but easily feel misunderstood and unappreciated. They have a tendency to withdraw in the face of a world that seems harsh or crude, and are often somewhat moody or temperamental. They are emotionally centered and spend much of their lives immersed in their internal mental landscapes, where they feel free to cultivate and analyse their feelings. A desire to manifest this internal world often leads Fours to an interest in the arts, and some do become actual artists. Whether artistic or not, however, most Fours are aesthetically sensitive and concerned with self-expression and self-revelation, whether it be in the clothes they wear or in the overall nature of their often idiosyncratic lifestyles.

Fours are somewhat melancholic by disposition, and under stress tend to lapse into depression. They also tend to be self-absorbed, even under the best of circumstances, but when unbalanced, easily give way to a self-indulgence which they perceive as being fully justified as a way to compensate for the general lack of pleasure they experience in their lives. Rather than look for practical solutions to their difficulties, Fours are prone to fantasizing about a savior who will rescue them from their unhappiness.

Intellectual Fours tend to mistakenly type themselves as Fives, and a heavy wing can certainly exacerbate this tendency. Fours however, unlike Fives, tend to be self-revealing and comfortable with emotional expression.

Enneagram Type 6 - The Loyalist

Conflicted between trust and distrust

People of this personality type essentially feel insecure, as though there is nothing quite steady enough to hold onto. At the core of the type Six personality is a kind of fear or anxiety. This anxiety has a very deep source and can manifest in a variety of different styles, making Sixes somewhat difficult to describe and to type. What all Sixes have in common however, is the fear rooted at the center of their personality, which manifests in worrying, and restless imaginings of everything that might go wrong. This tendency makes Sixes gifted at trouble shooting, but also robs the Six of much needed peace of mind and tends to deprive the personality of spontaneity. The essential anxiety at the core of the type Six fixation tends to permeate the personality with a sort of "defensive suspiciousness." Sixes don't trust easily; they are often ambivalent about others, until the person has absolutely proven herself, at which point they are likely to respond with steadfast loyalty. The loyalty of the Six is something of a two edged sword however, as Sixes are sometimes prone to stand by a friend, partner, job or cause even long after it is time to move on.

Sixes are generally looking for something or someone to believe in. This, combined with their general suspiciousness, gives rise to a complicated relationship to authority. The side of the Six which is looking for something to believe in, is often very susceptible to the temptation to turn authority over to an external source, whether it be in the form of an individual or a creed. But the Six's tendency towards distrust and suspicion works against any sort of faith in authority. Thus, two opposite pulls exist side by side in the personality of enneatype Six, and assume different proportions in different individuals, sometimes alternating within the same individual.

The truly confounding element when it comes to typing Sixes is that there are two fundamentally different strategies that Sixes adopt for dealing with fear. Some Sixes are basically phobic. Phobic Sixes are generally compliant, affiliative and cooperative. Other Sixes adopt the opposite strategy of dealing with fear, and become counterphobic, essentially taking a defiant stand against whatever they find threatening. This is the Six who takes on authority or who adopts a dare devil attitude towards physical danger. Counterphobic Sixes can be agressive and, rather than looking for authorities, can adopt a rebellious or anti-authoritarian demeanor. Counterphobic Sixes are often unaware of the fear that motivates their actions. In fact, Sixes in general, tend to be blind to the extent of their own anxiety. Because it is the constant back drop to all of their emotions, Sixes are frequently unaware of its existence, as they have nothing with which to contrast it.

Because Sixes so frequently fail to appreciate the extent of their own fear, they often mistype themselves. It is common for instance, for female Sixes to mistype as Twos, especially if they are identified with a helper role, but Sixes have a much more ambivalent attitude towards relationships than do Twos, who generally know exactly what they want. Sixes, failing to recognize their anxiety, can mistype as Nines, but Nines have the ability to relax and to trust in others, neither of which come easily to Sixes. Sixes can mistype as Fours, especially if they have artistic inclinations, but they lack the Four's self-absorption. They can mistype as Fives, especially if they are intellectual, as many Sixes are, but unlike Fives, Sixes tend to be practical. Finally, conterphobic Sixes can easily mistype as Eights, but they lack the Eight's self-certainty.

Want to know what personality type you are?

Check this out... http://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/introduction.php

:-) Friendship (-:

Many people will walk in and out of your life.
But only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
To handle yourself, use your head;
To handle others, use your heart.

Friends

Anger is only one letter short of danger
If someone betrays you once, it is his fault;
If he betrays you twice, it is your fault.

Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events;
Small minds discuss people.

He, who loses money, loses much;
He, who loses a friend, loses much more;
He, who loses faith, loses all.

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature,
But beautiful old people are works of art.

Learn from the mistakes of others
You can't live long enough to make them all
yourself.

Friends, you and me...
You brought another friend...
And then there were 3...
We started our group...
Our circle of friends...
And like that circle...
There is no beginning or end...

Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is mystery.
Today is a gift.
That is why it is called the present.

Show your friends how much you care...