Thursday, July 28, 2005

Boring

I’m depressed right now. I’ve always been depressed. I feel that my life is a constant rerun. I really am bored, sick, and tired of my routines that are so monotonous. Sometimes, I just want to sit at one corner and don’t care anymore. Who cares about school or friends and family? Is this really what lies ahead for me? I feel so empty and I know and I feel that there is something out there that I need to be truly happy. I don’t want to do anything right now. I don’t want to think and I don’t want to move. I want to be like a rock so that I could not feel anything anymore. They say that this feeling is normal for teens because of all the hormones and changes that are occurring within me. It is also true that I have to find who I am. Everything is so confusing. I don’t understand myself right now. Sometimes I feel that I am already complete and that I don’t need anyone. I feel that I have everything planned out and that everything will be alright. But everything is not that easy. I want to jump of a cliff right now. I want to hide my self somewhere because I am not in the mood to be with anyone right now. My head is starting to hurt. I feel that I’m crazy, a madman. I can really relate to the anime, “Vision of Escaflawne.” I’m just like Hitomi. I just want to sleep and never wake up. When I am asleep I forget everything. I forget all the problems and pains that I have to go through every single day. I seem to vanish when I’m asleep and no one ever notices. But the question is do they even notice me when I’m awake? I feel that I wander and that I have no where to go. This must be the reason why I love taking walks in the evening. I’m not depressed when I’m alone because when I’m alone I don’t feel left out when I’m in a group. In fact, I prefer being alone because I can think more and reflect on things like I’m doing right now. But what am I longing? What do I need to make me whole? What is it that I look for? I don’t really understand.

Loyola Group

I really did not want to go to Manresa today for the community building and planning of the Loyola Group (FFP representatives). It’s a Monday and it’s not just any ordinary Monday, it’s a day that I can have a break from school. I really have no plans to do anything related to school today but I had to because I was chosen by my class to represent them. I could have easily declined but I felt that it was my responsibility and duty as a class officer to represent them. The assembly place was at 7:30 am at XU in front of Goldcrest so I had to wake up early because I went home to Bukidnon last Sunday. I was almost late and I was lucky to have caught up with the group when they were about to take a jeep to Manresa. But I did not regret coming a single bit because I really had fun. I think I even had an overdose of laughter when we were discussing our plans and projects because my group mates were really funny and some of them were clowns. We had fits of laughter when a group mate played with her words adding –ing to her words like outreaching, SM-ing, immersioning, and the likes. I met new and old friends and I learned a lot of things. I was reminded that IQ is not all that matters because EQ also plays a vital part. They were just crazy and their proposed programs were absurd yet interesting like moving into the Loyola House because we were the Loyola Group or just build ourselves our own Loyola House. What’s more fun during the whole activity was the eating part. The food was really good and I wanted to have second servings. Before going home, we went to SM and sang songs at Quantum and ate again. I could say that the activity was a great success and I can look forward to a more fun, more energetic, and more tiring activities and programs.

Blogging

I am so happy because I can now update my blog, or online journal, regularly. Usually, I only blog when I have something that really bothers me or when I have a chance to write but now I have to write every day for my English journal which is a good thing. My address for my blog is http://vincentbautista.blogspot.com and it is powered by Blogger. Blogger was introduced to me during my third year in high school in my Christian Humanism class. My teacher created a blog for my class and we really enjoyed it. Now, some of my classmates and I, have our very own blogs. My high school classmates from third year to fourth year, the NerdZ, even have our very own blog, http://tataknerd.blogspot.com, aside from our Yahoo Group. Blogging has already been a very popular way of expressing ourselves. Friendster even has offered a blogging service signifying the growth of online journals or blogs. This is a very good news since it will help teens and people young at heart to develop their writing skills. Blogger even offers to store pictures in your blog so that you can share your special moments with people. There are a lot of things that you can add to your blog aside from your own posts. You can add a chat box, links to other blocks, and you can even customize your blog that is if you know how to encode an html document. I wanted to do all of these things just like what my friends did but I completely forgot my computer language and programming lessons and to think I only had them in fourth year, shame on me. If I have time I guess I can take a look at my computer book and encode my own blog. I have to be careful though because one wrong command or code could mean a ruined blog.

NSTP - CWTS AB (IMP)

I am so glad to know that my old NSTP section, the CWTS AB, was not dissolved or anything. CWTS AB is not like any other CWTS sections because our class focuses more on journalism and documentation since it is an Information Management Program (IMP). It feels good to be a special class because as our KKP Volunteer, Don Manuelo Patrimonio, said we are special children. Last Saturday was very exciting because speakers came to our class and gave us a workshop on how to conduct interviews and personal investigations and we were also taught some basics to Photo Journalism. The interview and investigation part was not anymore new to us but the workshop on Photo Journalism was intriguing. We learned that there are three main rules or points to know in order to determine a good photo from a bad one. The first rule was that a good photo always had the subject at the side and is not focused at the center of the photo. The reason for this was that if the subject was at the center, the photo would look plain and normal. A subject that is at the side is given more emphasis and is more attractive. We were given picture cut-outs from newspapers and the side rule was really applied. The second rule was that the subject should not look at the camera and shows action. This rule is really important because photo journalism focuses more on telling a story through a picture taken. There is noting interesting in a picture of a security guard who is facing the camera and is doing nothing. It is more interesting and more information is conveyed if the security guard is actually doing an action like checking bags for explosives and weapons. The last rule is that the photo taken should be at the right point of view and should not be blurred. It is by common sense that we know that we shouldn’t take a picture of someone at the back or at the top of his head. A blurry picture is also good for the trash bin because it is uninteresting and the art and story in it is hardly seen. I am really looking forward for my next IMP class.
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