I Choose Money

Call me selfish or what ever you want but I just chose the practical way. You see I was going to be hired (I passed the exams and my supervisor liked me) as a customer service representative for an advertising company. I was going to go door to door to promote a child sponsorship program.

As honorable as the cause is, I still couldn't do it even if I was qualified to do the job because I thought to my self that the pay was too low for that kind of work. I mean walking around a neighborhood and knocking on every door to get someone to sponsor a kid? And the work place is too far from home too so it was best if I didn't accepted the job.

It would have been a great job but I guess that my main priority now is to earn money for my future needs. I don't want to rely on my mom for my financial needs that much. How can I help others if I can't help myself right?

Inner Strength

I hate seeing it when the person I love the most is vulnerable. I hate to see my mom being meek when she's in public. I hate it because I know that she will be an easy target for people who are nasty and who loves to bring down others.

There are times that I wish I could be able to provide everything our family needs so that my mom won't have to work or go outside the house. There are times when I wish my mom had a stronger character... I mean she should be more confident enough to be able to speak louder and be more aggressive with dealing with people.

But I know that my mom has a different kind of strength that is not shown physically. And this is her inner strength. I know that she had gone through a lot to get us where we are now that's why I will always respect her for that strength to overcome all to reach her goal. But she reaches her goal with out harming or stepping down on others, and this is very respectable.

But maybe it's not my mom who lacks strength at all... maybe it's me. She has learned to accept who she is. I know that I accept myself for who I am but the question is have I completely accepted myself? Maybe not. I have to be honest. I hate going out of the house because I sometimes feel insecure. I feel inferior to the white people and that I feel like I have to prove my worth all the time. I want to get through this problem of mine. Maybe it's just because I'm still young and I need a little bit more of experience... well... we'll see.

Scared of Changes

In this world... the only thing that doesn't change is the fact that everything changes... nothing lasts forever...

Even if I know this fact it still strikes fear into me. I'm afraid of what may happen. But then if I don't know anything nothing will happen to me... I won't move forward. Change can be good. It may be good or it may be bad but change must happen for the world to move forward.

I'm tired of working for Tim Hortons and I'm tired of earning just $9.50 an hour. That's why I looked and searched for jobs... and guess what? A potential employer has contacted me and I had scheduled an interview with them. If I am accepted and hired I may work on a fixed schedule as a customer service representative working Mondays to Fridays at 1:30 pm to 9:30 pm. And the best part about it is that I might actually earn $20 an hour (well as they claimed). I know that it's too good to be true so I'm going to be cautious.

I do have fears with this big move... like what do I do? How do I quit my current job without burning bridges if Ace 1 Advertising and Acquisitions hire me? How do I get to my job since it's very far away. Will there still be buses available at 10 pm? Will I like my new job? Will I even be accepted?

Anyway if I'm unhappy with my current job and if I want to preserve my dignity and sanity well I better grab any good opportunity that appears right?

I'm the Baker

Yup you heard me life. I'm officially the baker... well for today anyway. Yup I'm a trainee baker but I was able to do some solo work back in the kitchen.

I actually love being the baker because I don't have to serve any customers face to face. I don't like dealing with people... but then how can I be a nurse huh? But being a nurse is quite better than being a food store employee because most stupid people think that just because we are low earners we are uneducated.

Anyway on with my rantings. One thing that I don't like about baking is the cleaning part (aside from the going into the freezer to get stuff). Yup I hate cleaning the oven because the oven cleaner is so noxious and it's too bad that my employers don't even bother providing us with gloves and masks.

Anyway I told my manager that I couldn't work mornings anymore because I had a second part-time job as a call center agent (which of course is a lie). Good thing that it was my good manager that was working and not my bad manager who we Pinoys call Jessebel which I don't know why... maybe I'll ask tomorrow.

Well that's all for my updates today as a hard working person living out my life and slowly dying... I'm so dull sorry but that's plain old me. Simple and boring... peace out!

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Photo credits to ciaprochef.com

Winter Hell

It's not yet winter but damn it's already so cold! The temperature here in Edmonton is now single digits. I can't bare to imagine how life will be where the temperature will be below 0.

I have wished before when I was back home in the Philippines that I can see and feel snow. But now I take it back and I don't ever want to get near any snow at all. I just want to stay at home during winter and I don't even want to set foot outside. Maybe I'll just order groceries online... but then if I don't work how can I afford it? Hmm... we should really get a car soon.

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Photo credits to FreeFoto.com

Tsada Edmonton!

It was such a shame that I wasn't able to join the Kagay-anons here in Edmonton in celebrating our own little fiesta. Yup all people here from Cagayan de Oro City (Kagay-anons) gathered together and celebrated the feast of St. Agustine.

It's amazing that even if we are in Canada we still don't forget that we are Filipinos... but not just any Filipino... we are Kagay-anons! Proud to be! Hehehe.

If you're wondering why the theme of the fiesta is Tsada Edmonton well let's just say that it's somehow a spoof of Tsada Cagayan. Tsada meaning great or good. So basically Tsada Edmonton because we are Kagay-anons living in a beautiful and great city of edmonton in the wonderful country of Canada.

My Bike Was Stolen

One of the reasons that sparked my desire to quit was when my bike was stolen. Yup it was stolen and I blame Tim Hortons for it. It was because of them that I forgot my bike chain that's why it was stolen. Well I know that it was actually my fault for being so forgetful but Tim Hortons played a factor in the loss of my bike chain.

Anyway, what's stolen can't be reclaimed so I've bought a new bike since I really need it to go to work fast and effortless. Anyway, I was able to buy a new bike that is better than my old one in many ways for exactly the same price.

So this proves that some bad things do happen to make way for better things.

Hair Color? Black and Proud of It!

What is up with people these days but I've noticed the people I know here in Canada dyeing their hair. There's my co-workers at work Tina and Lindsey, my brother, my father...

Well I actually tried dyeing my hair red too but the hair dye my brother bought was only made to compliment one's natural hair color so obviously red didn't compliment my hair so instead of having a stunning red hair I still have my wonderfully black hair which I find great and I won't be dyeing my hair anytime soon.

For one reason i think that black is a very good hair color and I'm proud of being Asian so hiding that fact is beyond me. And besides I don't want myself to turn out like this in this STORY.

Finding My Happiness

My managers know that I hate working night shift (11 pm to 7 am) but they still made a schedule for m saying that I'll be working 11 pm to 7 am for 4 straight days!

I am quite unhappy with this situation and I know why this has happened to me... I don't know how to say NO! to people. That is why they take advantage of me. They think I'm the kind Filipino guy who they can boss around well they have another thing coming.

They must not know that I am not a contract worker and I can quit anytime I want. There are less stressful jobs out there and I am very unhappy with my job.

A saying goes once said that if you're unhappy with what you're doing then don't it. It's counterproductive to the job, it's counterproductive to yourself, and it's counterproductive to everyone else involved.

I believe that my employers are abusing me. Imagine, today they're sending me to another store location just like last week. But the thing is why only ME?! Why can't they send anyone else? Well the answer may be because others don't want to be sent to other stores and they refused. Well I will refuse too... I will say NO!

And if they don't respect me and my wants, and they don't give me my happiness back... I will QUIT! No regrets at all... just a sense of relief that my stress from my job is finally over.

Oh well this topic seems to be so redundant and I have kept saying that I will lose weight and exercise and all of that but I seem to get so many convenient excuses at my disposal like this one HERE.

Well I'm now here in Canada and my promise to lose weight in the Philippines seems to be forgotten. I actually did lose some weight back when I was in the Philippines but when I recently checked my waistline and weight, well you can guess what happened.

Hey! I work at a donut shop for crying out loud! It's so darn hard to fight the temptations. And to think that the food here is so cheap that we literally have a full fridge. I could have ice cream everyday and since we don't have time to cook we usually just order pizza at Pizza Hut or get some yummy food at the Filipino store. But they're not that healthy.

I can barely remember when I last had "pinakbet" or any food that has lots of veggies in it. Oh well guess I have to start counting calories right now... that won't be hard since everything I eat has labels on it...

This is one cons with everyone in the family is working, no one is left to cook food hehehe.

Homework: Learn How to Drive

I've been dying to learn to drive for years. I was going to learn driving with a friend at a driving school but my mom said that it would be best to learn how to drive here because the rules and traffic signs were completely different. But guess what? Wrong assumption.

Sure rules and some signs are different but driving like learning when to shift gears and stuff and how to make a car move can be learned with out those fancy traffic rules and laws. Sure I could learn how to drive here but we don't have a car yet and enrolling in a driving school is pretty damn expensive. I should have learned how to drive back in the Philippines.

But anyway let's just take it slow. Since I know that my dad will never get his permit because he doesn't seem to care and relies that my mom will do everything for him, I will have to take things into my own hands.

I will study the Alberta Basic License Driver's Handbook, take the test, get a learners license, then in one year I could drive a car on my own... that is if we have a car by that time.

M.I.A. & Work

After annoying a certain someone to tell me what she meant by M.I.A. I finally am able to blog again after being Missing In Action (MIA) for so long.

Well not that long, I was able to make the pathetic I'm so depressed and want to kill myself post. Finally, after being given two straight days of vacation (thanks to a co-worker who wanted more hours of work) I am now able to take a break and appreciate the beauty of life with work out of my mind.

After thinking things through I now realize why I had such a nasty breakdown. Well as the saying goes, "If you're too nice, people will step on you", this is true in my case. I don't know why I am able to say no and be awful to my family who I love yet I am able to allow complete strangers to take advantage of me and to step on me. You see I had the power to say NO to my manager but she was nice to me and she needed someone to work at 11 pm to 7 am because no one in their right mind would agree to work alone at night doing everything.

But because of my stupidity I worked 11 pm to 7 am even if it was my day-off and the following day I had to go home at 7 am and go back to work later on at 3 pm to 11 pm. I was truly pissed at myself for being Mr. Kindy Ass. I should have let the answering machine take her call but when she (my manager) called for the second time I picked up thinking it was important, now I truly learned my lesson. I will not pick up the phone if my work is calling for me when I'm on day-off. And if they ask me to work at night the answer would be a definite NO! No more Mr. Nicey Pants.

If you think that I'm over reacting well you are definitely wrong. Did you know that even in my sleep I still dream that I'm still working. And I totally get no rest at all because in my mind I outside my bed room is the store where I work in. I have to remind myself that I am in my bedroom and I am sleeping.

I have sacrificed enough for my work, I don't want to give up my sanity too.

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Picture credits to clipartof.com

The Cycle of Depression

How do I feel now? Well let's just say that I'm feeling down. I feel as if I'm not going anywhere and that I'm stuck. A sense of impending doom if you may say. I'm afraid that I may not reach my full potentials. I want to find the next nearest tall building and jump off from it.

I don't want to work at a low-paying job anymore. I know that I am lucky to get a job that pays $9.50 an hour but this is not what I envisioned myself to be. I'm so sick and tired waiting for my college to evaluate my transcripts. I want to study right now so that I could finish my degree earlier.

Sure I can afford to buy the things I want with my present job and survive but the problem is this is not what I want to be for the rest of my life. I know that I could do more and be more than who I am right now.

My whole integrity is being challenged and I can't stop thinking that moving to Canada was a huge mistake, for my part at least. I should have finished my studies back in the Philippines.

My job is no bundle of joy either. I hate my job. I am asked again to work tonight at 11 pm to 7 am and next Sunday they're sending me to another Tim Hortons and I have absolutely no idea where that is.

I'm tired... I'm losing hope. To others this may be such a simple problem with such a simple solution but it isn't that easy believe me.

Being A Good Man

One thing that I like about Canadians is their ability to express themselves. If they hate you they can really be nasty but if they like you they can say the darnest nice things. There are already several times that I have been called a good man. I was quite touched by what they said and of course I had a bit of hepatomegaly episode (in other words "bukad atay").

I am quite thankful that I am able to give this impression to other people but the truth is there is nothing good in me. I'm very selfish and self-centered. I'm just like any other man on this planet. The only reason that I was respectful and nice to them (as I said HERE) is because they showed me the same thing. So I was only mirroring what they were showing me.

So the truth is, they are the good people because I was only showing them what they showed me. If they were nasty, I can show them the proper way of being nasty and hostile.

But hearing those words were very rewarding indeed. I really like it when people know how to appreciate rather than just seeing the bad things from other people. So it's better to see the best in everyone right rather than lingering on people's imperfections because in this world no one is perfect (except me, JOKE!).

Last August 12

Last August 12 was actually my birthday... but due to my very busy and tight schedule of my career in the food industry (char!), I wasn't able to blog about it that much. Well my birthday was plain and simple. Just spent my whole morning alone in the house and waited to be picked up later in the afternoon by a family friend so that I could set-up their wireless internet connection in their brand new gorgeous mansion. The word house doesn't give justice to their extravagant home.

Anyway, I was still touched by the actions of my mom when I arrived home. Even if she didn't know how to cook and she didn't have much time on her hands she was still able to prepare a feast for me. We had a wonderful chocolate-strawberry cake, freshly-delivered pizza (yup all we do is take-out since we don't have time to cook), chicken, and ice-cream.

I didn't have a party or a huge gathering but being at home with my family was enough for me to be happy.

I also gave myself a gift. An HP m9350f desktop computer with an AMD Phenom 9850 Quad-Core Processor (2.50 GHz), 6 GB RAM, 750 GB Hard Disk, and it comes with a 24 inch LCD screen for only $1900. This is the computer of my dreams. What i like about this baby is not only is it good for extreme gaming, it comes with a remote control so that I can watch TV on it and listen to the radio. Heck I even use this baby to play with my PlayStation 3. I'm happy that my hard work as a lowly donut shop employee who cleans the bathroom and serve customers and all of that is able to afford a desktop like this. If I worked in the Philippines, I would never afford this.
The bottom line is. We may be living a simple life here in Canada but we are still lucky because many of our relatives and friends back in the Philippines are really working so hard just to get by. I just wished that we didn't have to leave our home in the Philippines just to get a better life and a better future.

Anyway... damn it I'm old! I can'tr believe that I'm already 20 years old. I'm still edgy about my future because until now MacEwan hasn't finished evaluating my transcripts and I've checked my application status and it still shows there "Acknowledged". I wish they'd change it to "Documents Lacking" or something so that I can do something about the things I lack.

Anyway, on with my life.

The Soda Machine

My mom, brother, and me went to IKEA, a local furniture and home furnishing store, at Edmonton South Common. We were bringing the items we bought to the home delivery counter when my brother and I spotted this neat looking vending machine. Well because there aren't any sophisticated vending machines like this ones in the Philippines we were definitely curious and ignorant too hehehe.
So like any curious people we wanted to try using it and guess what? We were successful and got our selves some iced tea. And here we are looking happy and content because instead of getting one iced tea we got two for the price of one.

I guess that there is something wrong with the machine because the note in front of it warns that the machine sometimes eats money and doesn't drop any drink. Guess we were lucky today.

Anyway while I'm already posting pictures I just want to share this picture of my henna tattoo that my co-worker made for me. Isn't it cool?

Why Make Plans?

Oh my God. I thought that all my worries were already over and solved but then all of the sudden I'm suddenly having the blues again... I'm thinking that making plans is not worth it because they won't happen anyway. Do you know how frustrating it is to make plans but they don't happen?

Oh well... but maybe my fears is not about being able to accomplish my plans... maybe my fears is that I won't be able to accomplish my goals. Sure plans could be altered and changed to reach a goal, but what if I don't reach my goal?

I'm afraid that by the time I finish my studies the demand for nurses would be low then what would happen to me? But I guess that my worries are a bit uncalled for because Alberta is big and it's not like everyone is taking up nursing right? WRONG!!! Did you know that some of my co-workers are taking up nursing? Well they are going to be Licensed Practical Nurses (LPN) or Licensed Vocational Nurses (LVN) and I'm going to be a Registered Nurse (RN) so I'm kind of insecure because nursing is a competitive field.

But let's just wait and see what happens.

Starting My Financial Life

I can't believe that I'm already doing something about my financial status. I mean I've just went to my bank today and just got my self a credit card. Yup I was approved instantly (because I invested $500 as a security deposit) and I am now on my way to make a credit rating.

A good credit rating means being approved for future loans and a bad one means goodbyes to your dreams of buying a car or house. Well you could always pay in cold hard cash but having a credit card thus have its benefits.

One of my reason for having a credit card is that I want to buy stuff over the internet which I could never do with my debit card. And if ever I need cash immediately the credit card can help me with that department.

But I should be wise in using my credit card because it's like a double edged sword. If I over use it I could end up under debt and this will not look good on my credit history.

Messy House = Messy Life

Aah! I am so tired of trying to clean things up and make our house look neat and decent but it seems that my parents (especially my brother) doesn't give a damn on how our house looks like. It's not that I want our house to look extravagant or anything, I just want to come into a home that is clean and decent looking because no one wants to come home tired from work and see dirty dishes lying on the sink and papers and trash scattered everywhere in the living room.

Well I thought that my own room would be immuned to all the clutter and mess because it's my personal space but it's not. It's as equally cluttered and messy as the rest of the house. At least my bed is clean and neat so I can sleep comfortably.

Do you know how it is to live with someone who has a "Sayang" or "Such a Waste" Mentality? Well it may be good in some occasions but keeping trash and use them for decoration is not. My father has a habit of collecting junk and hiding it. He hides new stuff and uses junk because using new items would be such a waste. This is what he did back in the Philippines so when we moveed to Canada all the things that we never used were left behind and who benefited from those items? Definitely not us.

It's so hard living with clutter bugs... grrr!!!

Edmonton Police Service

Back home in the Philippines the general image of the police are corrupt and they are of no help at all with regards to solving crime cases. Just like the whole justice system in the Philippines, the police will only work for the ones with money.

But here in Canada you don't have to fear the police because they are very friendly and approachable. And unlike in the Philippines where traffic enforcers will make up offenses so that they could squeeze money off you.

Here in Canada your traffic offenses are recorded using cameras and other stuff (hehehe) but I do know for a fact that your speeding ticket is mailed to you with instructions on how to pay your fine.

So why on earth did I bring this up? Well the previous tenant of our apartment received his speeding ticket so thought I'd blog about it hehehe.

I don't like comparing my old home with my new home but there are things that we should all be aware off so that we could be able to do something about it. Although there are still drugs and other bad elements here but they're mostly concentrated at the night life areas so I still feel safe.