Monday, May 30, 2011

Rejection Sucks


This is how I feel right now... my heart feels heavy and I'm about to cry right now. I guess I should start getting used to rejections if I want to be dating people. Well let's do a post-conference on my short-lived romance:

Let's name this person K, to protect their privacy. K is a 23 year old Filipino, and we met on an app on the iPhone. What a great way to start a relationship right? Well we were chatting and I started liking K because K had a great sense of humor and K was smart. We then met one day and I was just swept off my feet. K wasn't really attractive but I was into K a lot. We spent the whole day and the conversation was fantastic. Well I thought so anyway, I don't know what K was thinking...

Well I just talked with K and K said that K was more into a friend and K didn't want to  mislead me or anyone else... which was kinda misleading because previously, K said K was in no rush to be in a relationship... but whatever. At least K told me head-on on what to expect.

My heart hurts right now, but I still am thinking of K. K says we could still be friends when I asked, but I have a feeling that this is actually the end of the road for us...well for me at least, since there was no us to begin with.

I'll be ok somehow, I'll be able to move on. I feel horrible and uhm... rejected? Things will be better?  I have no idea... I don't care anymore...

Saturday, May 28, 2011

There are days when I just feel like laying in bed and doing nothing, this is one of those days. Well I feel like this every day but once I get to work everything just falls into place and I get to do my actual job.

I actually love what I'm doing, it's just the act of trying to wake up that sucks. Well I prefer the day shift as compared to the evening shift anytime.

Well I guess I should head to work right now.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, May 23, 2011

Night Shifts Make Me Loopy

These past few days has been sort of exciting and new for me. I have been picking up night shifts, something that I would never ever would have done because I value my sleep a little bit too much.

Anyway, something interesting happened. I had a sudden realization that I love what I am doing. I remembered the Lady with the Lamp, Florence Nightingale, the founder of modern nursing. I'm no lady (that's for sure) but like her, I was dressed in white and I walked along the corridors of my hospital checking on my patients. Well it was more off doing a sleep monitoring sheet, but still... I was emulating a nursing characteristic of being observant.

On a personal note, night shifts on my unit could be very boring and repetitive since every one is asleep but I still find it enjoyable. The camaraderie that I have with the nurses and the other psychiatric aide is amazing.  

I just wish they give me more than an hour before they call me to work an 11 PM to 7 AM shift but I guess it can't be helped. Night shifts do make me loopy at times, making it more important that I know my limits since I do not want to work unable to think incoherently. I could pose as a danger to myself and my patients, this is why honesty and integrity is needed in nursing as well.

I am looking forward to more night shifts.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Finals Blah and Fitness Action

Ok that wasn't the most creative title that I could think of, but it captures my emotions right now. I'm at university on a Sunday trying to study for an exam which I am sure I could pass. But again, overconfidence is a deadly thing. I just have to look on the bright side, just two more years and I'm finally done with nursing school.

I do have a positive topic in this entry: I'm finally doing something to lose weight! Yup I had enough of being overweight. Sure I'm not really big but I'm not slender either, if you catch my drift. I was planning on taking a run outside since it's already spring but I kept having a lot of excuses not to. A great excuse is that we actually had a heavy snow fall so running outside would be considered a suicide attempt. My other excuse was that it's too late to run whenever I get home and I'm lazy (laziness not being a good excuse, of course). I did manage on the other hand to buy a treadmill. Yup you heard me, I decided to invest in an exercise machine because this way I don't have to pay horrendous gym membership fees and this time I could actually go on the treadmill whenever I want... well unless my ex-brother and his hoodlum friends decide to sleep over.

Anyway this morning I think I had an allergic reaction of some sort. I woke up at the crack of dawn because I felt a lump in my neck. It felt like there was a foreign object dislodged in my neck and it just won't go away even with a sip of water. I was going to go to the emergency room when it finally went away. I was thinking that it could have went into my lungs (which would lead to pneumonia or pulmonary obstruction) or into my stomach (which could possibly lead to bowel obstruction) which would be very bad. Later in the day I realized that I might have had an allergic reaction to the water bottle that I drank from. I noticed that paint was chipping of and I only felt the tightness in my esophagus everytime I took a sip from it.

I also read online that it could also be caused by stress as some people seemed to have the same problem as me. There's nothing physically wrong with their throats but stress is causing their throat muscles to spasm. OR... I could go to a doctor and have it looked at... which I'm not really interested to do cause it would take too much time... but again... time or my life... seems like a no brainer, I'll do it after finals if I'm still alive.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Casey Heynes: I Support You!



I was very disturbed by this viral video that I saw on YouTube. My heart goes to Casey Heynes who was bullied for most of his life just because he weighed a few pounds. It pains my heart to hear him talk about suicide because he couldn't take the bullying anymore. People say that violence is never an answer but in this case, I support Casey Heynes, the Bully Punisher. I see Casey as a hero, a beacon of light for all of the people who are abused by people like Ritchard Gale.

Ritchard Gale is a little liar! He said that Casey attacked him first but it is clear from the video that Ritchard came along with his group of bullies and attacked Casey. I don't feel sorry for you Ritchard Gale and I hope this event will haunt you for the rest of your life. Casey was defenseless (a gentle giant) and was against the wall when you punched him several times. You deserve everything that you are getting right now. I know I sound horrible but you are a liar. If you just said sorry like you meant it, you might be hated less.


To Casey, you are not alone. The whole world supports you and we are proud of you! I am happy that you have a family that loves you. Casey said that he had 9 friends who deserted him... well you have hundreds of thousands of friends around the world now!

I was bullied as a kid too and I was very young when I first knew how fear felt like. I was so miserable and I felt so lonely because no one was there for me. Like Casey I had a few friends (who were there when they needed something from me) but when I was being teased that I didn't have friends, I told my bully that I did have friends and pointed at my supposed to be friends. It was so painful to be told right in front of your face that they never considered me as a friend. Children could be so cruel especially when they are ruled over by a school bully.

This is Casey's message to all people who are bullied: "Look for the good days, keep your chin up and school ain't going to last forever".

For more information on this historical event, you can visit http://www.caseyheynes.com/.