What Do I Want? What Do We Want?

Right now I am very confused. Before I had a clear view of my wants and the goals I wanted to achieve. But I am suddenly struck by the reality that I am in a void. I don’t know what I want in life anymore. Everything seems to be a monotonous re-run of what I call my life.
Before I had all of these things that I wanted and thought I wanted. Only to find out in the end that I never really wanted these and it would never really make me happy in the end. What would make me happy? What do I want? What do we all want in life?
I thought that getting what I want was easy. There are things that what ever I do, I will never get. There are things that I have sacrificed a lot for but seem pointless and worthless in the end.
I don’t know what I really want and really need. But don’t be fooled that what I mean is of things that this material world will offer. What I speak of is one that means more. I speak of the spiritual aspect of life, things that relates to the soul and true happiness. I don’t know. It all seems so blurry and all I can make of is snapshots of odd figures and signs.
What lies for me ahead? What is my destiny and what is my fate if all are pre-written? All is a chain of questions.

Using Cellphones and Social Status Issues

One time I was riding a pubic transportation when my phone rang. I received a text message and I replied. Again my phone rang and this continued up to three messages. All of a sudden this girl beside me said “samok ba!” This is a expression used in the Philippines to show extreme irritation. But I was shocked and felt attacked, which I really was. That time I just kept quite and minded my own business and then went down at my stop. If I wasn’t in my good mood she would receive a good bashing.
I was thinking why would she be irritated? I was practicing phone etiquette, my ring volume was not to the maximum level, I did not raise my phone to show off and in fact I was hiding it from view. It just happens that she was at my side and she saw it. And it comes to me is this jealousy? Does my Nokia 6260 threaten her? Does my Ryan Cabrera Shame on Me true tone a way of saying she’s cheap? If these things give off these expressions then I’m sorry. But since when is it wrong to use a phone that you really like and the tone that you like? I never heard of a Presidential Decree or a Republic Act stating so.
Does this mean that if she had an old phone with basic lcd and monophonic ring tones then I should get that type of phone too? Where is democracy in that? If she’s poor I have to be poor? If she suffers I have to suffer too? This is just the manifestation of Filipino Crab Mentality. When one crab is about to escape, the other crabs tend to pull it down. She has a serious problem and she really needs professional help.
I did not do anything wrong and if living a life of style and luxury was wrong then they should arrest every businessmen, every professionals, every working citizens who work so hard just to provide for their families and acquire certain items as their trophies of their life’s work. I don’t have a job yet yes but this phone is not in any way meant to say I’m rich and you’re poor. This phone has been a dream for me and it is also a gift from my mom for finishing high school. And believe me I worked so hard just to strive to achieve excellence and this phone is a sign of that. I am not guilty of anything because this is a free country and I can use and buy (in the future) anything may it be luxurious or not and I won’t feel guilty that other people might not be doing well as me. It’s not my fault that they are like that and maybe neither theirs. No one chooses to be poor right? But if they can’t eat three times a day, should I not eat three times a day too? Sure I’m willing to share my blessings, but I can’t give them what I don’t have and I can’t give them the things that I’ve worked for for my family.
If you’re saying that I shouldn’t have used my phone in public then I ask you what is the use of a portable telephone when you can’t avail of its convenience. Do you mean I have to go to the bathroom just to use my phone? Do I have to be ashamed to have a great phone? I am not stepping on anyone’s rights so I am free to do things I want.

Life as a Writer

I really look up to the great writers such as J.K. Rowling, J.R. Tolkien, and the other writers through out history. Writing is really hard! Very hard indeed! They’re so good to think of a plot and all and they can imagine different scenarios and you really are drawn into the story for its realism. I try to write stories but I can’t write a 1000 page novel or even a 50 page one. It’s really hard to sustain the story and to put twists and excitement to the branches that come from the main plot. I really admire writers their works are art. You know even writing an essay is quite hard, you have to plan the flow of ideas the topic and how to make it interesting. I really want to write but I lack the effort I guess and the inspiration. I do have a story I’m working on but it’s so bloody and full of hatred. I’m still thinking if I should post it. I’m going to work with it maybe improve it and we’ll see. Until next time, I the Writer have to resign.

Online Life a Bust

My online life is quite static right now. I do have internet connection but what’s the use? Our internet service provider (ISP) is useless, it does not provide internet because for a long time now their lines are up and running but they can’t figure why people can’t connect through the internet by dial-up. This is the provincial technology so we can’t expect much. Anyway I’m online right now, I had to travel 1 hour to the nearest city to use a computer, poor me.