Sunday, March 13, 2005

Saying Good-Bye to Your Ideal Self

Saying Good-Bye to Your Ideal Self
I can’t believe that I’m not going to see him again. He has been an inspiration to me. I look up at him seeing everything that I wish to be and everything that I’m not. I don’t know, maybe he is more of a bad element than an “inspiration.” I’m so envious that I’m not like him. He’s so perfect. When I see him I can’t help but just look down at my self, he’s all my insecurities. But why do I want to see more of him and be more of him?
Maybe not seeing him again would be all for the good. I have to live and be me and not be some copy-cat who wants to imitate every single thing he does. No body is perfect right? Only God is perfect.
The more I love him the more I hate my self, it’s creepy actually. I have to move on. Good bye to you the person I hope to be but am not.
I’m so hopeless!

Enlightenment & Finding One’s Self

Enlightenment & Finding One’s Self
The Buddhists believe that they can achieve enlightenment through meditation meanwhile the Taoists believe that enlightenment can be achieved by following “the way”. We Christians believe that we can achieve it by following God and loving Him freely with all our heart.
Right now, being an adolescent who is facing constant changes, I am really confused. I am faced with many troubling questions. What is there in tomorrow? What do we live for? Why continue to suffer when you can end it all? Why do we hope and dream of a better future? Is there really a place called paradise?
We all are faced with many problems and pains. All these are ephemeral and soon will be gone. But don’t you sometimes feel like being empty at times, even if you don’t have worries? You then ask similar questions that I also asked. What is our purpose? What is our calling? What is God’s plan in this web that we call “Life?”
I believe that to be really enlightened of our mission, we must first discover our selves. Let us not hate our selves for the things that we can’t do but instead praise our actions that are admirable.
Let us get rid of our Masks of Deception and stop lying to everyone and stop fooling ourselves of being someone we really are not.
I admit that I can’t help others to find their selves and to discover their selves but I have found and accepted who I am.
I am who I am… I shall not bow down to anyone… When faced with problems, I will not hide and run away… with the Sword of Truth, I will fight for what is right!

My Future Career

My Future Career
As I said a while ago, I want to be a photographer or a model. I also have in mind to become a singer and I also want to act. Lately, I’ve also been thinking to enter a seminar and become a priest. But deep inside my heart I know that I will become a great doctor someday with nursing as my pre-med course.
I’m really excited for college. I want to give it all my best in college and I want to aim for the valedictorian award. Then I want to work as a nurse but if possible part-time only because I still have to study medicine. I wouldn’t settle and have a family unless I have a stable job and that I already have a house of my own.
I really wish and pray that these dreams come true. I will do everything I can to reach these goals. It’s not really about the money; it’s all about self-fulfillment, enlightenment of the soul, and discovering my purpose here on earth.
Everything is such a great mystery. Now, all I have to do is to give my best in everything I do so that I can reach my dream career of being a doctor with specialization in the heart/lungs.

Picture! Picture!

Picture! Picture!
I can’t believe that I’m becoming a pictureholic I mean I so love taking pictures, including pictures of my perfect self (hehehe). A digicam is the best invention that can happen to an artist. You can easily store and retrieve your pics anyway and you can directly post or e-mail it anywhere. It’s so convenient and you can even take more pictures than the ordinary film camera.
I really love cameras. A scene or place would really look different through the lenses of a camera. The real beauty of an object or person would really be emphasized. And that beauty will never fade in time because the picture would give the beauty immortality. Memories would never be forgotten and pictures would make past events feel like they just happened yesterday.
I don’t know why I just realized that now. I mean I just realized that taking pictures is one of my hobbies. Although I’m still a rookie and I haven’t studied photography and I guess I never will I still believe that I have some talent at it
Photographers are really artists for they can really express themselves through their art. A picture could really tell some interesting stories. Pictures seem to freeze time or a certain event. It makes you feel that the past is just a reach away.
I so love pictures and photography. I wish I can continue this hobby of mine. If I can’t be behind the camera, why not be in front of it instead? Hahahaha I’m just kidding. Well, I’ll end this topic and proceed to the next which is partly related.