Thursday, March 29, 2007

Scarred for Life

I am horrified by the way people could be so cruel and heartless. I am disturbed by how people can treat other people like shit and don’t feel any remorse about it. I ask you, what kind of person would make someone feel so bad when that person doesn’t even know you or haven’t even done anything to deserve such treatment?

On this night, Thursday of March 29, 2007, I was viciously harassed by a certain someone and I am bewildered because I constantly wonder what motivated such person to spend so much effort and time to put me down. I want to say that I am strong and that I am not affected by such acts but what can I do? I am only a human being who has these emotions and it is because of these emotions that I am able to hurt so much.

I ask why? What have I done to deserve this? What?! I was even so polite to this person and all I received were foul words. I ask myself why? What reason could this person possibly have for wanting to hurt me so badly? Why?

The pain that I feel could never be compensated for anything and that this event has scarred my being. I will forever be reminded of this pain that I feel because I would always be reminded of this night when I was harassed and I couldn’t even find the reasons why.

I feel like being hit by a truck… but maybe even worst for I am able to live on with my life carrying such incident. Why? What did I do to be hurt this way? I didn’t even say anything that could prompt such hatred.

I just wonder how many people like this are out there. I’m scared… how can I be ever be strong enough to face them? Should I be like them who would in turn hurt other people so that I could feel good about myself? But if I did that, what would differentiate me from them right?

I’m really depressed right now… I can’t stop thinking why… why… why…

People please don’t be like this. Be sensitive of other people’s feelings because they do have feelings and it really hurts so much if you say awful words to them. They may act like it doesn’t matter but they really are dying on the inside.

Please no more hating… let’s make the world better than this.

I'm sure that these wounds will heal but... one can never forget such an aweful event.

Also, please be responsible texters. Don't hide behind the secrecy and don't think ever think that it is fun to hurt other people. Please... that is plainly wrong and sick!

Monday, March 26, 2007

Who's Evil Now


Evil is found everywhere in the absence of good... but let me ask you... where is good when all I see is evil?

On Dating

I’m kind of new to this dating thing and here are some things I’ve learned…

  1. Never ever believe a single thing that a stranger tells you especially when you just met online or through texting. A person’s sincerity is only verified through actual conversation although this is also not that reliable.
  2. If you have a date, NEVER EVER cancel on that day. Cancel days before or even better, a week before the date. It is a BIG TURN OFF if you cancel on the day that you were planning to meet. As much as possible, don’t even cancel! Preparations are usually done before the date and broken expectations are quite unpleasant for the other party.
  3. If you did cancel a date and the other party was ok with that never ever cancel the second date! Worst! Never use the same excuse twice (e.g. being sick).
  4. Don’t make false promises as this tends to lead to confusions and misunderstandings. Breaking a promise is a big mark of what kind of person you are and your attitude to relationships and agreements.
  5. Never lie. Don’t make up stories to impress your date because once your date finds out the truth then this becomes a big turn off as no one ever likes liars.
  6. Do place your best foot forward. Your date needs someone that is happy with his/her self and not someone that is in need of spiritual or psychological help.
  7. Do be yourself. People usually fall for people who are true to their selves and who are confident. Some may not like who you are but you are sure that you would be happy with the people that accepts you as who you are because you won’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not every time you’re with your date.
  8. Split the expenses! Dating costs money, it has traditionally been the man's role to pay, although in recent times the practice of "going Dutch" (splitting the expenses) has emerged. This is especially true for couples who are still dependent on their parents. Take note: the rich actually finds it a turn off if you always are being paid for, it makes them think that you’re only at their side for their freebies. “If you ain't got no money take yo'broke ass home,” Glamorous by Fergie.
  9. Do dress properly. Don’t go to a date like you look like you’ve just gotten out of bed. In order for people to know you, they must first be attracted to you. Yes, appearance does count and not just the personality alone.
  10. Never expect anything. The date may go along fine and the person might even show signs that he/she likes you but never ever expect that that person really is interested in you that much. Always leave room for rejection, in this way you will have some of your sanity left when things don’t go your way.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Gosh I'm Emo...


What feeling do you represent?





You represent... naivete.So innocent and trusting... you can be very shy at times, but it's only because you're not sure how to act. You give off that "I need to be protected vibe." Remember that not all people are good. Being too trusting will get you easily hurt.
Take this quiz!








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Look at this...

Look at this...

1. Copy this whole list into your journal.

2. Bold the things that are true about you.

3. Whatever you don’t bold is false

01. I miss somebody right now

02. I don’t watch much TV these days

03. I love olives

04. I love sleeping even though I barely sleep

05. I own lots of books

06. I wear glasses or contact lenses

07. I love to play video games

08. I’ve tried marijuana

09. I’ve watched porn movies

10. I have been in a threesome

11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship (Who? Me?!)

12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy

13. I have acne free skin yay

14. I like and respect Al Sharpton

15. I curse frequently (like a sailor)

16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year

17. I have a hobby

18. I’ve been told I: (women) have an applebottom, (men) am packing.

19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me (Pocket knife count?)

20. I’m really, really smart (hah!)

21. I’ve never broken someone’s bones

22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal

23. I hate the rain

24. I’m paranoid at times

25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free

26. I need money right now!

27. I love Sushi

28. I talk really, really fast

29. I have fresh breath in the morning

30. I have semi-long hair

31. I have lost money in Las Vegas

32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister

33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.

34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis

35. I have a twin

36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past

37. I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D.

38. I like the way that I look sometimes

39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months

40. I know how to cornrow

41. I am usually pessimistic

42. I have a lot of mood swings

43. I think prostitution should be legalized

44. I think Britney Spears is hot

45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past

46. I have a hidden talent (i think)

47. I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have

48. I think that I’m popular

49. I am currently single ... half half

50. I have kissed someone of the same sex

51. I enjoy talking on the phone

52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants

53. I love to shop

54. I would rather shop than eat

55. I would classify myself as ghetto

56. I’m bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders

57. I’m obsessed with my web journal

58. I don’t hate anyone. I dislike them.

59. I’m a pretty good dancer

60. I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington

61. I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother

62. I have a cell phone

63. I believe in God.

64. I watch MTV on a daily basis

65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months

66. I love drama

67. I have never been in a real relationship before

68. I’ve rejected someone before

69. I currently have a crush on someone.

70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life

71. I want to have children in the future

72. I have changed a diaper before

73. I’ve called the cops on a friend before

74. I bite my nails

75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club

76. I’m not allergic to anything

77. I have a lot to learn

78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger

79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest "Friday" movie

80. I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes

81. I’m online 24/7, even as an away message – just this summer

82. I have at least 5 away messages saved

83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before

84. I have made a move on a friend’s significant other in the past

85. I own the "South Park" movie

86. I have avoided assignments at work to be on my web journal

87. When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum

88. I enjoy country music

89. I would die for my best friend (i have more than one best friend) – I won’t die for her, I’ll kill for her hehehe

90. I think that Mountain Mikes has the best pizza

91. I watch soap operas whenever I can

92. I’m obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist

93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career

94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all

95. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s "Children’s Story"

96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy

97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it

98. I have dated a close friend’s ex

99. I have cut myself before

Relationships as Said by Oprah

I was really happy that someone actually read my blog! And I simply love it when people comment too! Hehehe... Thank you to Novartis.

Ok, here is my original post if anyone wants to read it go ahead... please do I beg you, joke.
http://vincentb88.multiply.com/journal/item/45

And this is the comment of Novartis which I really liked:

"This is what Oprah said :

You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. You should never look for someone to complete you. A relationship consists of two whole individuals. Look for someone complimentary. Not supplementary. Dating is fun. Even if she doesn't turn out to be Mrs. Right."

Oprah is so smart and I love her hehehe... So never look for anyone to fill up the hollowness that you feel because that isn't going to happen if you don't help yourself first by healing your wounds by yourself. The only person that would be interested in you if you are sad and broken are broken people and both of you will be in a one way road to a failed relationship. Happy people tend to go with other happy people. Learn to love yourself first if you want to be loved. These are only some of the few things that I have learned in relationships... him... I have a lot of things that I want to say too but it's not really related to this topic.

Until next time.

Friday, March 23, 2007

On Goodbyes...

I really didn't expect that it would end
all of the sudden...

I thought we had something going on... I
thought our words were sincere, I
thought you were sincere...

But I can't always blame people for the
way I feel, maybe there was something I
did, or better yet something I said...

All of this is such a cliche... a replay
of the past where someone just went away
without any goodbyes...

Damn... I feel so sad, but the person I
loved was never mine in the first place
so I never lost this person... but
still... it's sad...

But I have to move on and look at the
future...

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Prayer to St. Michael


Sancte Michael Archangele,
defende nos in proelio.
contra nequitiam et insidias diaboli esto praesidium.
Imperet illi Deus, supplices deprecamur:
tuque, Princeps militiae coelestis,
Satanam aliosque spiritus malignos,
qui ad perditionem animarum pervagantur in mundo,
divina virtute, in infernum detrude.
Amen.
Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray;
and do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host
by the Divine Power of God —
cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits
who roam throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen.

Lilium

Latin

Os iusti meditabitur sapientiam
Et lingua eius loquetur iudicium (Psalms 36:30)
Beatus vir qui suffert tentationem
Quoniam cum probatus fuerit accipiet coronam vitae (James 1:12)
[Kyrie, fons bonitatis]
Kyrie, Ignis Divine, Eleison
[O quam sancta, quam serena, quam benigna
Quam amoena esse virgo creditur.]
O quam sancta, quam serena, quam benigna
Quam amoena O castitatis lilium

Translation

The mouth of the Just shall meditate wisdom
And his tongue shall speak judgement (Psalms 36:30)
Blessed is the man who endureth temptation
For once he hath been proven, he shall receive the crown of life (James 1:12)
[Lord, fountain of holiness.]
Lord, Fire Divine, have mercy
[O how sacred, how serene, how benevolent
How lovely, is this virgin who believeth!]
O how holy, how serene, how benevolent
How lovely, O lily of purity

Out of School Youth

Out of School Youth

Yup! I’m an official out of school youth… cause I don’t have anymore clases hehehe. I’m going to be bored at home for a while. Thank God that I have summer classes. I’m quite excited to know whether I got good grades, enough to keep my scholarship that is… Hmm… fingers crossed.

What do I do for fun? Nothing much, just surf the net, watch anime, play pc games, in other words… I’m damn bored… not to mention that no one is texting me huhuhu…

On Elfen Lied


Damn Elfen Lied is so cool! I just love the blood and the bodies being sliced to pieces! And the plot is pretty good too! Plus it has nudity people, lol. It’s like a twisted love story… with supernatural powers and stuff… This is another classic example of how man’s heartlessness and abuses especially to the people who are tagged as “different” comes back at them with a full blow. I can’t blame the diclonius for killing without mercy after all the torture and emotional trauma they went through… but to know more about Elfen Lied just read this:

The story begins with a naked young girl named Lucy escaping under odd circumstances from an insular research facility off the coast of Kamakura in the Kanagawa Prefecture of Japan. Lucy manages to nonchalantly dismember and slay a fair number of the staff and guards with a form of seemingly supernatural power and gets outside. A sniper is seen trying to shoot her, only managing to ricochet a bullet off her metal helmet. Lucy then falls off a cliff into the sea, bleeding from her head but ultimately surviving and evading the research staff.

Lucy is not a normal human but rather a diclonius: a mutant variant of humans with two small horns on their heads (hence the name diclonius) that resemble cat ears. The diclonius race possesses telekinetic powers through use of their "vectors", invisible arms that they control with a number and length of reach depending on the diclonius.

The day after Lucy's escape, a boy named Kohta arrives at Kamakura to meet his cousin Yuka. Kohta has come to study at the local university and has been given lodging at an old, family-owned inn, the "Maple (楓, Kaede) Inn", provided he acts as the caretaker. After meeting with Yuka, they go for a visit to the beach and find Lucy washed up on the shore, still naked and bleeding from her head. The head trauma Lucy experienced causes her to develop a split personality. In stark contrast to the cold and sadistic Lucy, this personality is completely docile, harmless and is incapable at first of saying anything other than "Nyū". Not knowing what to do with her, Kohta and Yuka take her back to the inn to look after her and name her "Nyū". Yuka quickly decides that it will be best that she also live at the inn.

Kohta, Nyū, and Yuka begin settling into their life at the inn and Nyū begins to dredge up painful repressed memories from Kohta's past. Meanwhile, the researchers from the laboratory where Lucy was held begin searching for her, dispatching both human and diclonius agents to hunt her down.

On Love


I have heard of this very interesting myth by Plato and I believe that we should spend some time to think about this… According to Plato man was once complete. Man was originally an hermaphrodite, a being composed of one body both of man and woman. The original man had 4 legs, 4 arms, an oblong body, and of course two heads.

It is said that man was so unruly and threatened the gods that Zeus punished man by splitting man into two, man and woman thus bringing us to our present state, wounded and incomplete… This is why we are constantly in pain and desire to find our other half, the person that would complete us. Love is said to be a god that encompasses both the world of man and the world of gods, it is this love that heals our wounds and bring us together with the one we love, our soulmate.

It is said that to be able to be called completely human, we must find our other halves to be complete.

But I say that this is stupid. Ok, fine I do feel lonely at times and yes I want to be loved and want someone to love but for me, we already are complete. I do not want to base my happiness on anyone else because it is because of me and my own doing that I am able to do great things and I don’t need anyone else to live and survive (except my parents though, hehehe).

But love is such a troublesome topic…. let me end it here…

Saturday, March 17, 2007

Paralyzed

I woke up today thinking that this was a good day to die. I'm in so much pain right now, and I'm not just talking about emotional pain but physical pain too. Damn, my shoulders are killing me (really it is).

I'm tired of living, I feel that I have already lived my life to the fullest and there is nothing else that excites me....

I don't want to move on... I'm paralyzed, I feel that I have nowhere else to go but here and now... I have no future...

What is to look forward in the future anyway? I have so much love to give but no one loves me back...

Oh no, I'm in my depressed mode again... but I'll be out of this sooner or later...

Anyway, I was really shocked last Wednesday because I was Spiritually empty and I really searched for God. Hmm... It only proves that we do indeed need to have faith so that we would be in a state of being ultimately concerned and all our other concerns would just follow... Hmm... I'm quoting the Philosophy of Paul Tillich where faith provides us a center so that we would be integrated or in other words so that we don't fall apart...


I'm really bored...

Carmen Electra



What poise! Even when she fell down her confidence completely overshadowed her fall.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Tired

Damn... as expected the finals is very bloody... project here, famoly care plan there, movie shoot here, everywhere I look I still have unfinished business.

Actually I just feel tired but my friends are commenting that I'm not my self, I'm easily irritated, or in short bunt-out... I don't know why I'm like this...

I just hope that my body and mind doesn't fail me. I hope that I can get through finals with ease... hopefully... I'm just tired... who am I kidding... I'm in a deep state of depression and I want to give up.

It's a good thing that I have this special someone who makes me want to go on. Love can really rejuvinate you hehehe...

Sunday, March 4, 2007

BE WITH ME

KEY TO MY HEART


Key To My Heart

I had closed the door upon my heart
And wouldn't let anyone in
I had trusted and loved only to be hurt
But, that would never happen again.

I had locked the door and tossed the key
As hard, and as far as I could.
Love would never enter there again,
My heart was closed for good.

Then you came into my life
And made me change my mind.
Just when I thought that tiny key
was impossible to find.

That's when you held your hand
And proved to me that I was wrong.
Insode your palm was the key to my heart...
You had it all along.

Saturday, March 3, 2007

Just Do It

This week has been very tiring! But at least I was able to get it with my sanity intact and hopefully, with passing grades too.

I just realized that I only get to fall asleep every night or fail to accomplish anything earlier because I always have the "Mamaya-na-Attitude" or the "I'll-do-this-Later" attitude. It was quite fun to learn this valuable lesson when I had to finish my Family Care Plan. I was really concentrated and motivated to finish the said work that I was able to finish it with out even getting tired or sleepy. I wasn't able to get any sleep but the feeling that I accomplished something out of my hard work was better than caffeine and adrenaline.

I'm hopeful that I can still keep this learning in mind for years to come.

But now, I'm feeling the effect of getting no sleep. It's still 8:30 pm but I'm really so drowsy... tsk tsk... time to sleep!

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Are You The One?



ARE YOU THE ONE
Within Temptation

Are you the one?
The traveller in time who has come
To heal my wounds to lead me to the sun
To walk this path with me until the end of time

Are you the one?
Who sparkles in the night like fireflies
Eternity of evening sky
Facing the morning eye to eye

Are you the one?
Who'd share this life with me
Who'd dive into the sea with me
Are you the one?
Who's had enough of pain
And doesn't wish to feel the shame, anymore
Are you the one?

Are you the one?
Who's love is like a flower that needs rain
To wash away the feeling of pain
Which sometimes can lead to the chain of fear
Are you the one?

To walk with me in garden of stars
The universe, the galaxies and Mars
The supernova of our love is true

Broken Hearted


It’s very ironic to know that I am a student-nurse. I spend all my time studying to help other people heal their wounds and feel better when I have absolutely no idea how to heal my self…

Tell me. What medicine is there to heal a broken heart?

Monday, February 12, 2007

Dumb Luck

Damn! I was this close from losing my brand new Nokia N73 Music Edition (yeah right! In my dreams hehehe...). But really, I was this close from losing my phone. I was so careless... It was an ultimate lapse of judgement (got that from somewhere...). But my luck is just too great that I was saved from the aweful misery that I would have to go through if ever my beloved phone got lost.

Somehow this event has made me realized that there are really some honest people out there with great principles and integrity. I really commend these people. They are the people who contradicts my view of mankind as selfish, apathetic, and stupid beings...

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Frustrated Song Writer

I have been bored the past few days and thought that I should do something productive. Studying was one option but unfortunately I just realized that it doesn't really brings joy to me (unless I'm in the mood). So I decided to write songs and I was able to write songs.

I have tunes for them too but unfortunately I don't have time to record them and I haven't found a singer yet. I thought of my self but I don't want anyone to hear me sing for free (i need some talent fee you know... lolz).

I'll try to post my songs next week.

Cute

This is a very cute Pon&Zi pic!

Forsaken - A Tribute to DNAngel

I really love DNAngel! It is one of the finest anime out there. The vivid images and intriguing plot makes it one of the best! Here is an AMV in honor of DNAngel. Please take some time to watch it. The video is good and the music surrounds it with such mystery...

On Campus Elections

At last the election days are over! I wasn't aloud to talk about this outside of school because my candidacy will be nullified because of certain technicalities. Yup, I ran for the Xavier University Campus Elections! Could you believe it? Me? Have the guts to pull up something like this which I have never done before?

Anyway I ran for 3rd Year Vice-President for the Council of Nursing Students under the banner of Alyansang Atenista (which is celebrating it's 20th year now!). And thankfully I won!

I'm really happy and at the same time excited to fulfill my responsibilities because I do not want to fail my constituents. I believe that I am capable to lead them because of my experiences in CONUS and at the same time my great passion for change and student rights!

The election has been very bloody I tell you. We have an opponent party who resorted to using the Crusader Publication, the official school publication, as black propaganda. I won't talk about the details anymore because it would just complicate things.

To all who voted me, thanks!

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Going Green

It really was amazing eating at Jollibee - Limketkai. Sure, I've been eating at Jollibee long since I was born but this is the first time that I have eaten at a Jollibee food chain that is actually eco-friendly. Instead of using the plastic and styrofoam food containers to serve the food and drinks, they are already serving them with glassess, plates, and spoon and forks.

After all these years, this Jollibee food chain is the start of a new reformism that hopefully other food chains would emulate. Imagine, how many pounds or tons of plastic waste will we be able to prevent from poisoning and killing our beloved Earth?

I'm not sure if the other Jollibee branches outside Cagayan de Oro City are doing the same but this is really good news to all the nature lovers out there.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Wanna Sing?

It's been a while since my last post... let's just say that I was flung back into the world of the medieval period so I wasn't able to get hold of a computer for a while. But now I'm back!

For all those people who loves to sing and wants to be noticed then this site is for you. Let me share this website: www.singshot.com an online karaoke community! You can listen to other people sing and you can even create your own recording and show off to the world your horrible voice... er... I mean beautiful voice to the world (hehehe).

I got this one from Convergence so please do take some time to visit this great site.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Merry Christmas!

Somehow I really feel the Christmas spirit this December. Well my Christmas isn't that extravagant and all and I don't have as much gifts that I used to but somehow I still feel blessed.

I'm very happy even if we don't have that big dinner that we used to, the annual Christmas family reunion, or as I said my gifts. I'm happy because out of this simplicity and freedom from all the material things that people relate to Christmas I get to feel the real sense of Christmas and every other holidays. For me the most important thing is to be with my family and that is the best thing ever.

Yes, I still hate the carolers who are still persistent and would even wait several minutes waiting for you to give them money... speaking of the devil, a kid is saying "Pasko tag-balay" again... oh well, why not give him a little something right?

Anyway, I still love Christmas day even if a lot has changed. I'm surprised that I don't have the sleepless nights that I used to whenever I get too excited for Christmas. Even if I don't seem excited, Christmas will still be Christmas and I still love it.

I'll be waiting for New Year though, when I get to see on TV all the kids with their hands blown off, JUST KIDDING!!!! I'm not THAT evil hehehe.

To every one have a MERRY CHRISTMAS & A HAPPY SAFE NEW YEAR!!!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Gaara.


In Naruto, I really pity Gaara. He only grew up as a monster because the Hidden Village of Sand’s villagers treated him as one. He’s suffering from psychological problems because of the trauma he encounters daily with the villagers. His father is no good either as his father made him into what he is in the first place, a monster.

If you watch Naruto you would know what I am talking about and maybe feel what I’m feeling. Gaara really wanted to change and he wanted to live in peace with the people. The stupid people didn’t gave him the chance to change so I wouldn’t blame Gaara if he killed all of the villagers and enjoyed watching them die in pain slowly! Hahaha!!!

Happy Feet


It was very fun watching Happy Feet with KC. It isn’t just a film for little children and it’s not just a plain film for entertainment. Underneath the pretty colors and comedic elements of the film are universal lessons and truths that we people tend to forget.

First. Let us protect the environment. We may be the smartest creatures on earth, but one reason for this intelligence is to safeguard the existence of every living creature here on earth. We only have one planet, one home, that is why it is so ironic to know that we are destroying this home.

Second. Just like in several films, Happy Feet embraces the quality of man as being unique and precious. People fear and even hate other people because they are different. That is why they treat these people badly and even to the point of hurting these people. They tag these different people as monsters, but what they don’t know is that these different people only become monsters because of the way people are treating them.

Third. Man is not finite. Man has many possibilities. People do change and sometimes for the better. We might call someone a loser but we may have to eat these words in the future because the person we called loser happened to be come a great somebody. Just like in Happy Feet. Mumble was different and they branded him as queer because he couldn’t sing and he could only dance. But this dancing that the elder penguins labeled as nonsense was the one that saved them all.

So people, don’t hate.

Purpose

Living without a purpose is just like being dead. This is one lesson that I’ve learned in Naruto. While watching Naruto, I was able to feel the pain of solitude, the pain of being hated and thought of as not precious. But I have realized that the pain that I feel is not the same as Naruto’s and Gaara’s. I have people who loves me and who makes my existence worthwhile. Naruto and Gaara had no one at all.

We all need a purpose to live a happy and contented life, because if we don’t have a purpose in living, we would feel inadequate and we would just be walking, talking zombies.

Carolers

I really hate Christmas Carolers! They have some nerve to go door to door and sing Christmas songs when we didn’t tell them to and then they even demand money! They are worst than beggars! There are even some carolers who give you these smirks of disappointment when you give them only one peso. I really want to slap them hard in the face. Who do they think they are? It’s not as if they gave us anything or made us happy with their pitiful songs. If I wanted to be entertained with Christmas songs, I would just turned on my CD player thank you. Caroling should be made illegal I tell you.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Making Friends






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I know how friends are important and how being lonely is like. I thought that I didn't need friends that is why I could stay alone for months at home. But I then realized that I need not be lonely because I just didn't realized that I did have friends. I don't have friends as many as the sands and all of that but what really matters is that I have people who are precious to me and who consider me precious to them. It's not in how many friends you have, it's on the mere presence of a friend that really matters.

Merry Christmas



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Saturday, December 9, 2006

Audio Blog

Yes! Finally, after long hours of slaving in front of a hot monitor (hehehe) I'm finally able to load my first audio blog. Now I can indulge myself more in being lazy! Joke. Yeah, technology is so cool.

I can now post stuff anywhere and anytime, especially those enlightenment periods that really last short and I often forget to post.

My First Audio Blog



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Failure Is The Best Eye Opener

Life is truly ironic... First you get praised and is told that you will have a great nurse. This fills your head up and you really believe that you are good to the point that you think that you are the best, but then you forget one thing... humility.

But failure is a good reminder that you should always keep your feet on the ground and that you really should try your best all the time. It's an eye opener, a sort of reminder telling you that you're on the wrong path. Failures are really humbling situations that could be tagged as defining moments.

The last return demonstration (cleaning the wound and applying a sterile dressing) was a defining moment for me and it had awakened me back to my senses.

I may have failed, but I will not be a failure.

Saturday, December 2, 2006

Assisting in a Pap Smear

Last November 30, I went down to Cagayan de Oro because I was one of the eight endorsed by our clinical instructor's to assist in the Pap Smear at the Mother's House (An extension of German Doctors). I was quite excited and I have to admit that I had a bit of hepatomegalee episode (enlargement of the liver or bukad atay/burst of ego). Yeah it really felt good to be recognized because of your skills (char!).

I really thought that I could really experience a pap smear procedure but it was unfortunate that not one patient showed up. But at least I was able to take one client's vital signs (which I think I did ok). It was very fun though! I had fun talking to my team mates and it was cool to be able to share things with them.

We weren't able to gain some experience but we still have some incentives... incentives that I can't talk about because it would be a breach of secrecy. Hehehe...

Hello World

I haven't been blogging lately. There can only be three reasons...

  1. I'm too busy.
  2. I'm lazy.
  3. I don't have anything worth blogging.
It's really more of the second reason... hehehe...

Anyway I really like reading other people's blog because it really gives me a glimpse of who they really are. It is really interesting. Anyway, I'll post a couple of things now.

Monday, November 27, 2006

A Letter of Complaint

Good day and peace in Christ!

I just want to report an incident that occurred on November 27, 2006, that I thought was really disturbing and it had really affected me so much that it moved me to write this letter. Some may believe that this is only something really irrelevant and does not need to be pondered upon, but I think that this issue is quite important. This issue shakes my image of a nursing-student who has principles, good conduct, and not to mention the sensitivity to other people’s rights. This incident has tarnished this image that I had planted in my system.

My classmates and I were patiently waiting in a long line to claim our breakage refund. It was very hot and people were being rude and were squeezing in front of the line. My classmates were trying to reprimand these students and told them to get back in line at the back. We were trying to bring order to this chaos when all of the sudden we saw (Hidden for Privacy Reasons) leading their group of friends and casually made their way at the front and asked someone to get their ID’s so that they could have a “reservation” at the front. (Hidden) even went to (Hidden) and told her not to get in line at front because this is unfair to everyone but she replied “Ok lang na uy.” After all the things we said they still went ahead and got in line at front not even having any guilt at all that they were being unfair and not to mention disrespectful of the other people that patiently waited in line. I know that this is not worth mentioning at all but what shocked me the most is that these people are our leaders. We look up to (Hidden), our (Hidden), and (Hidden), the (Hidden), as our role-models. We were really disappointed at knowing that our leaders who supposedly knew what is right from wrong did this, and to think that it was their duties as an Atenean leader to do something about this situation. I even heard from someone that (Hidden) even boasted to someone that she already got her breakage money first than anyone else. We just looked at them from the back of the line hoping that they would feel some remorse but they just smiled at us.

I know that courtesy is one of the important things that the XU College of Nursing is trying to teach us. And XU is trying to form men and women for others but this scenario is quite disturbing and is contradictory. I am quite concerned that if the other (Hidden) students saw this then they would lose their respect for these leaders and maybe even follow in their footsteps. I do not want any conflict ma’am; I just want someone else in authority to make them aware of their actions because they don’t seem to listen to us.

I am really down right now. I really thought that they knew what is right. I promise that I won't vote for them any more and I hope that someone else deserving takes their place so that the rest of the student body gets to have leaders who are good influences on them...

Saturday, November 18, 2006

My New Boarding House

I remembered the day when I first went away from the very first boarding house I went home to. And now for the second time, I'm moving once again from my other so-called new home. But I did not move to escape the people I hate, I had to move because I had to be able to concentrate to be able to study. I liked those people but I had to go away so that I can study.

Don't get me wrong, I like my boardmates and landlady but I had to move for the best. Well, at least best for me. It's just too noisy for me to study... But now that I had moved away and have already settled in to my new found second home I suddenly realize that maybe I just blamed the noise for not being able to study. Maybe it's just because of me that I'm not able to study. I'm just too lazy and I don't know why. Now that I have already ran out of reasons and maybe even excuses I am now finally to look at my mistakes for the one hundred millionth time...

Oh well, here comes a new page in my journey called life.

Saturday, November 4, 2006

On Relationships

Relationships

I have been looking at my past and remembering my past relationships. If you would watch my life story with me you could really say that my life sure is sure unstable. I had a lot of past relationships if you could call them relationships. If I did have a real relationship, it was only with this one girl who I hold dear to me and respect until now. The rest would be categorized in the unmentionables because I am ashamed to let any one know that I ever had anything to do with them.

I don’t know what I really want. I feel that I have been writing about this frequently. I keep on ranting about being lonely and empty. Maybe I was so desperate to be with someone that I make so stupid mistakes and end up with those pathetic people. Maybe I’m pathetic myself because I fell for them. Yes I did made mistakes but at least I’ve learned from them and I didn’t have to go through five or more relationships to learn my mistakes. I have learned to be happy with my self first to be happy with any one else. The saying “You complete me” is a total crap. Only broken people get together with other broken people and they both end up destroying both their lives. And that is more pathetic don’t you think?

I don’t really understand people and the concept of relationships. Is it pure hormonal instinct that people get together so that they can procreate? Don’t forget the other probable reason: survival. Don’t get me wrong but this is the tendency and even trend that I see. People only get attracted to people who are good looking, rich, famous, or people that would raise their status in society. I don’t really believe that love really exists between these types of people. This “feeling” that these people have is a safety belt that they have because the relationship is either mutually rewarding or beneficial for one.

When I was in high school this parent of someone I know asked me if I already had a girlfriend. I said no. And he was so shocked and even told me that I should really get one. I was so infuriated because what does having a girlfriend have to do anything with being a high school student? I never knew that it was a requirement to have a girlfriend to have good grades and graduate. What is really in relationships? Love? I don’t think so. Let’s face it. Let’s stop believing that love stories that we see in the movies are possible.

The motives for a relationship that I see are the following:

1. Sex

2. Popularity

3. Security

4. Other beneficial factors


But I wish that I could really be proven wrong because I world with this kind of people is a world that I don’t ever want to love in. There is more to relationships than what I said above, if only people would agree with me.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Losing Something

It's very frustrating when you lose something. It's more frustrating when you lose something very important and that you know that someone else was at fault. I hate finding things. It really stresses me out when I am faced with a situation where I don't know anything. Losing something feels like losing a part of you. When I lose something I feel so weak and so afraid.

There are times that I cannot take the pressure anymore that I burst into tears. Some may find this weird or even funny but it's very hard to lose something which you have kept safe until someone so stupid takes it away and misplaces it. I really hate it.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Who am I?

These are my personalities/characrteristics... I'm a Type 4 & 6 in the Enneagram...

Enneagram Type 4 - The Individualist

Identity seekers, who feel unique and different

Enneagram type 4 - The IndividualistPeople of this personality type tend to build their identities around their perception of themselves as being somehow different or unique; they are thus self-consciously individualistic. Fours tend to see their difference from others as being both a gift and a curse - a gift, because it sets them apart from those they perceive as being somehow "common," and a curse, as it so often seems to separate them from the simpler forms of happiness that others so readily seem to enjoy. Thus, Fours can manage to feel superior to others while also secretly harboring some degree of longing and envy. A feeling of being a member of the "true aristocracy" alternates with deep feelings of shame, and fears of somehow being deeply flawed or defective.

Fours are emotionally complex and highly sensitive. They long to be understood and appreciated for their authentic selves, but easily feel misunderstood and unappreciated. They have a tendency to withdraw in the face of a world that seems harsh or crude, and are often somewhat moody or temperamental. They are emotionally centered and spend much of their lives immersed in their internal mental landscapes, where they feel free to cultivate and analyse their feelings. A desire to manifest this internal world often leads Fours to an interest in the arts, and some do become actual artists. Whether artistic or not, however, most Fours are aesthetically sensitive and concerned with self-expression and self-revelation, whether it be in the clothes they wear or in the overall nature of their often idiosyncratic lifestyles.

Fours are somewhat melancholic by disposition, and under stress tend to lapse into depression. They also tend to be self-absorbed, even under the best of circumstances, but when unbalanced, easily give way to a self-indulgence which they perceive as being fully justified as a way to compensate for the general lack of pleasure they experience in their lives. Rather than look for practical solutions to their difficulties, Fours are prone to fantasizing about a savior who will rescue them from their unhappiness.

Intellectual Fours tend to mistakenly type themselves as Fives, and a heavy wing can certainly exacerbate this tendency. Fours however, unlike Fives, tend to be self-revealing and comfortable with emotional expression.


Enneagram Type 6 - The Loyalist

Conflicted between trust and distrust

Enneagram type 6 - The LoyalistPeople of this personality type essentially feel insecure, as though there is nothing quite steady enough to hold onto. At the core of the type Six personality is a kind of fear or anxiety. This anxiety has a very deep source and can manifest in a variety of different styles, making Sixes somewhat difficult to describe and to type. What all Sixes have in common however, is the fear rooted at the center of their personality, which manifests in worrying, and restless imaginings of everything that might go wrong. This tendency makes Sixes gifted at trouble shooting, but also robs the Six of much needed peace of mind and tends to deprive the personality of spontaneity. The essential anxiety at the core of the type Six fixation tends to permeate the personality with a sort of "defensive suspiciousness." Sixes don't trust easily; they are often ambivalent about others, until the person has absolutely proven herself, at which point they are likely to respond with steadfast loyalty. The loyalty of the Six is something of a two edged sword however, as Sixes are sometimes prone to stand by a friend, partner, job or cause even long after it is time to move on.

Sixes are generally looking for something or someone to believe in. This, combined with their general suspiciousness, gives rise to a complicated relationship to authority. The side of the Six which is looking for something to believe in, is often very susceptible to the temptation to turn authority over to an external source, whether it be in the form of an individual or a creed. But the Six's tendency towards distrust and suspicion works against any sort of faith in authority. Thus, two opposite pulls exist side by side in the personality of enneatype Six, and assume different proportions in different individuals, sometimes alternating within the same individual.

The truly confounding element when it comes to typing Sixes is that there are two fundamentally different strategies that Sixes adopt for dealing with fear. Some Sixes are basically phobic. Phobic Sixes are generally compliant, affiliative and cooperative. Other Sixes adopt the opposite strategy of dealing with fear, and become counterphobic, essentially taking a defiant stand against whatever they find threatening. This is the Six who takes on authority or who adopts a dare devil attitude towards physical danger. Counterphobic Sixes can be agressive and, rather than looking for authorities, can adopt a rebellious or anti-authoritarian demeanor. Counterphobic Sixes are often unaware of the fear that motivates their actions. In fact, Sixes in general, tend to be blind to the extent of their own anxiety. Because it is the constant back drop to all of their emotions, Sixes are frequently unaware of its existence, as they have nothing with which to contrast it.

Because Sixes so frequently fail to appreciate the extent of their own fear, they often mistype themselves. It is common for instance, for female Sixes to mistype as Twos, especially if they are identified with a helper role, but Sixes have a much more ambivalent attitude towards relationships than do Twos, who generally know exactly what they want. Sixes, failing to recognize their anxiety, can mistype as Nines, but Nines have the ability to relax and to trust in others, neither of which come easily to Sixes. Sixes can mistype as Fours, especially if they have artistic inclinations, but they lack the Four's self-absorption. They can mistype as Fives, especially if they are intellectual, as many Sixes are, but unlike Fives, Sixes tend to be practical. Finally, conterphobic Sixes can easily mistype as Eights, but they lack the Eight's self-certainty.

Want to know what personality type you are?

Check this out... http://www.eclecticenergies.com/enneagram/introduction.php

Friday, October 27, 2006

Friendship

:-) Friendship (-:

Many people will walk in and out of your life.
But only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
To handle yourself, use your head;
To handle others, use your heart.

Friends


Anger is only one letter short of danger
If someone betrays you once, it is his fault;
If he betrays you twice, it is your fault.

Great minds discuss ideas;
Average minds discuss events;
Small minds discuss people.


He, who loses money, loses much;
He, who loses a friend, loses much more;
He, who loses faith, loses all.

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature,
But beautiful old people are works of art.

Learn from the mistakes of others
You can't live long enough to make them all
yourself.

Friends, you and me...
You brought another friend...
And then there were 3...
We started our group...
Our circle of friends...
And like that circle...
There is no beginning or end...

Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is mystery.
Today is a gift.
That is why it is called the present.


Show your friends how much you care...

Sunday, October 22, 2006

XU Schedule

Oct 30-31, 2006 -- freshmen enrollment

november 3-7 - upperclassmen enrollment

nov 8 - classes starts

prelim: dec 11-16

midterms: jan 22-27

semifinals: feb 19-24

finals: march 14-20

I AM PROUD TO BE AN ATENEAN!

My school may have a lot of short comings and downsides but those are outshined by several positive aspects. I love XU very much and I am proud to be an Atenean! Yes, I AM PROUD TO BE AN ATENEAN! Being an Atenean does not only require Competence! It requires Conscience and Commitment. And as a very intelligent mentor adds... Compassion (for student-nurses)! A true Atenean is a Man and Woman for others who serve under the light of Justice and Truth!

I don't want to prove or start a debate why Xavier University - Ateneo de Cagayan is one of the most prominent schools in Cagayan de Oro. My purpose in writing this is to express my hurt and dismay.

This essay is directed to a faculty of one school in Cagayan. We all are entitled to our opinions and beliefs and I believe in freedom of expression because this is of course our constitutional rights. But our rights end when we step on the rights of others. I did not want to eavesdrop on this faculty’s conversation with another person while riding a van to my hometown. Of course I didn’t listen in to their conversation but it can’t be help because this faculty’s voice was very loud and clear.

She was saying that her school (university) is better than XU and maybe all the other schools in Cagayan de Oro because of a lot of reasons, reasons of course that are very debatable and can be proven false. I can not help it. I can’t just sit around and listen to this faculty flame and defame my beloved school! I have to express my feelings! Gladly I was in a very pleasant mood so I was still calm and decided not to confront this faculty because I knew that it would just end up in a big mess.

My point is if you want to prove that your school is BETTER than the rest, begin by stating facts about your school. Do not compare and use other schools (especially XU) to prove that your school is a good school. Don’t destroy the name of other schools or the name of other people for that matter to gain fame or prestige. The only logical explanation why people use such low tactics to bring fame to their institution is either they are afraid of good competition or they really suck and have nothing to show the public.

Finally, Xavier University – Ateneo de Cagayan is already a historical landmark in Cagayan de Oro and it has already yielded exceptional Atenean alumni who excel in various fields in various places around the world. This ladies and gentlemen is a FACT! The reason why I don’t have to start a debate or prove anything is because everyone knows that XU is an exceptional school. XU does not need to advertise or promote because XU is already a well recognized school in Cagayan de Oro, in the Philippines, and in the world. This is a fact. And as they say in business, the only reason why a product is being promoted is either it is new or it is not patronized by the public.